Cozy Up

I've been longing for some new tea cozies for over a year. But I never had the energy to make one!

It requires piecing and quilting an entire design. Or, if I was to make a one-fabric cozy, it would still need to be quilted. The task just seemed daunting and so it never got underway.

Until! My Pink Brain! kicked into 'AHA!' when I was at the thrift store this morning!




I spotted some very nice PILLOW SHAMS. For $1.99 each. Fully pieced and quilted and fully calling out to me to buy them and cut them up.


So I did.

A simple shape.

A quick whip around on the old machine.

And VIOLA!

I'm so happy! Aren't you?

While the Cat's Away

I thought I would be able to sandwich up another quilt this afternoon while Mackie was sound asleep in the other room.

Um, I guess not.

So I had to do it on the table instead.

Doing My Part

It's good to know that in these trying times of hamdemics, there are those who are out there fighting the good fight and trying not to spread the dreaded Swine Flu.

I like to think I'm doing my part. Keeping my hands washed. Keeping my finger out of my nose. Spraying anyone in the face with hand sanitizer who dares to sneeze in my direction.

Yesterday, however, I did a bad, bad thing. I may have single-handedly created my own disease vector. Here is what happened:

My co-worker had told me that Sheba Cat Food no longer comes in the little square plastic cans that I found so handy as soap molds. She said they are made of tin, now. I could hardly believe her and since getting a few 'cans' of cat food for Mackie (so I can use them as soap molds later after he rejects the contents because he doesn't like wet food) was on my shopping list, I found myself standing in front of the cat food at Safeway on Alhambra yesterday, pondering the display.

My last batch of soap had to be poured into a big plastic tub. And when it came time to cut it into bars, for some reason my mind switched off the mainline and into a derelict sidetrack, and I ended up cutting the soap into brownie sized into larger soap bars. And thus we have the 40,000 wee snack sized bars of soap in this picture:

Hey, you couldn't possibly be taking a photo without ME, could you?

Back at the Safeway, I could clearly see that Sheba had indeed changed it's cans. Instead of flat and square, they now resembled little round one-serving pudding cups. I could see that they appeared to be made of tin now, too, rather than plastic.

But just to make sure, I picked up a can and tapped it with my fingernail. Maybe it was still plastic that had been painted metallic to make it look more expensive.

But it was hard to tell. I tapped again. I know how these merchandisers like to mess with us consumers. It could still be plastic.

If the tap and scratch method doesn't work, there is always the tooth test. You can always tell what something is made of if you bite it. People have done that with gold coins since time immemorial. And the only sure fire way to tell a pearl from a plastic bead is to run it across your teeth to feel if it's grainy or not. So why not chomp down on a can of cat food standing in the middle of the aisle at Safeway in front of God and everybody?

It was then that I realized I was sucking on a can of cat food that had probably been touched by at least a dozen other people. Dirty, germy, disease bearing people. Including the grubby mitts of the entire third world, depending on where the stuff was made, canned and packaged. It's not like they sterilize them right before they put them on the shelves or anything.

Think about it! Manufactured in vats and poured into the cans in China where they regularly poison products just because it's amusing. Tossed into bins with rats and human body parts for storage. Transported to the coast in the back of filthy trucks that double as chicken carriers and not cleaned EVER. Loaded into the bowels of Merchant Ships where they mingle with the bilge water for months as they navigate past pirates. Sent to distribution warehouses, trucking centers, the back room of the local grocery store, the store shelf and finally coming to rest upon my lips.

I yanked that can out of my mouth and put it back on the shelf, looking surreptitiously around to see if anybody saw that. And then I fled the premises in embarrassment and disgust.

I am so much prettier than those old cards you make, admit it!

Yes, that's correct. I didn't buy the one I tasted. I was too traumatized and besides, it IS made of tin and therefore cannot be used as a soap mold.

It was when I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, after having washed my mouth out with hand sanitizer, scrubbed my hands and the steering wheel, my keys and my purse handles with an antibacterial wet wipe, that I realized I had just done a bad, bad thing.

I had possibly started the spread of an even deadlier virus than the Swine Flu.

I have single-mouthedly spawned the new pandemic that will wipe out the entire human world.

Beware the Idiot Flu!

Sunflower Blue

Just a few more glorious days of cool spring weather before the HEAT hits and I wilt like a tired dandelion until the autumn. When I turn into a pumpkin? I don't know!

After 4 years of non-quilting activity due to cataracts, I finally realized just the other day that I could probably see well enough to try my hand at it again! So I dug into the drawer marked 'ufo's' --that's quilter talk for "Un-Finished-Objects" and chose this bright sky blue and sunny yellow quilt top. I don't know what I was thinking when I chose this BRIGHT combo, but it's perfect for me now.

I had forgotten how amazingly peaceful it is to sit for an hour or two and quilt.

Card Trick

Word to the Wise: Don't download Internet Explorer 8 if you have an older computer: you will never see the internet alive again!!!! Bwaaahaaaaa haaaaa! What with a few computer problems and being so dull and too busy to be anything but dull, I've had no time and no inkling to post. But the other day, when it was rainy, I had time to do a little card trickery!

I had to make some cards for an ailing friend, and I did manage to send her some very nice ones, but these could not be parted with! They are pink! They have roses! They must be hoarded!

Rainy Day in May

Nothing to do! It's raining! Guess I'll pester my human for a while!

Hey, look at me!

I said, HEY! Look at ME!

Lusty Month of May

It's May, it's May!
The Lusty Month of May!
The lovely month when everyone goes
Blissfully Astray!

That darling month when ev'ryone throws
Self-control away.
It's time to do
A wretched thing or two,
And try to make each precious day
One you'll always rue!

It's May! It's May! It's May!

Spring has sprung!

I know I haven't done a post in months! I've been so dull!

But this morning the sun was shining, the air was cool and crisp, everything was green and growing and I just had to have some marigolds.

Do you love marigolds? So many people don't like the smell. To me it is heavenly. I like the great big giant yellow ones and the little lemon drop ones, too. I'm more fond of the yellows than the oranges, but in the autumn I think there is nothing like a pot of orange/brown marigolds sitting next to some pumpkins at some country roadside fruit stand.

However, that's for LATER in the year! Right now it's spring and it's time for lemony yellow and a new puzzle and the sun streaming in the windows.

Happy Spring everybody!

(And to those of you in the Midwest where spring doesn't arrive until June 30th followed by 4 weeks of blistering heat and swampy humidity followed by 3 glorious weeks of autumn abruptly cut off by the onslaught of 10 months of winter, well...just enjoy the photo!)

Conspiracy Realities

That's right! It's not a conspiracy theory it's a conspiracy REALITY.

You know how I 'outed' a certain secret organization in my previous post?

Well!

The very next morning my car radio antenna was GONE! Vanished! POOF! STOLEN!!!!

I'm not kidding! It wasn't snapped off the way vandals do it, it was unscrewed from it's seating.

It's like they were sending a message: Talk about us again and you will lose more than your antenna ball...you'll lose the whole antenna!

So my lips are sealed!

Jack Ball Where Are You?

Today I was watching a Jack in the Box commercial and I told my friend that all the Jack balls I've ever had have gotten stolen from my antenna.

He said, "So have mine!"

We pondered this for a moment.

Where do they all go? Is it just one person who is stealing them? Or is there an entire army of Jack in the Box Antenna Ball Thieves? Do they move about in stealth and darkness, harvesting the Jack balls in sweeping phalanxes? Are there secret storage facilities deep within the bowels of some desert mountain range overflowing with holding tanks stuffed with pilfered Jack balls?

I'm probably endangering myself by asking such questions in an open forum like this, so I'll quickly yet subtly change the subject.

I have been learning to see out of my new trifocals. I never knew until now what a bobblehead I must be. Any slight movement and the world spins, my stomach churns with butterflies and I fall over. Alas, I seem to be in motion every moment of the day. Even sitting perfectly still looking into the optometrists eyes as he told me I just had to be patient while I get used to them , I was watching the world swirling and spinning out of focus.

And all I was doing was listening attentively!

Here is a picture of me with my new lenses:

See what I mean? The world is TOTALLY out of focus right now.

Cat Manners

There are good guest manners and good hostess manners. And then there are Pet Manners which seem to be a credo unto themselves.

I recently had a house guest for a few days. No, I didn't put a fresh raw fish in her room, but I did put fresh flowers. (After a week the fish stinks and the guest is driven from the residence.) But if I HAD put a fresh raw fish in her room, perhaps my cat would have treated her with less disdain.

I've never seen anything like it, as a matter of fact! He lets you know how he FEELS about you, one way or the other. He either comes on over to be petted and admired or bites you to register disapproval.

Poor Bee just got the cat equivalent of 'talk to the hand'! He wouldn't look at her, acknowledge her, or join us when we were doing fun things with paper. Nada, Zip, Zilch. He wanted nothing to do with her.

Since she is a big cat lover, donates to Big Cat animal rescue charities and has owned many, many cats over the course of her life, this was a big mystery to both of us!

I finally came to the conclusion that he simply didn't wish to acknowledge her because he didn't want her moving in with us. Don't ask me why he thought she might or why I think that's what he thought. I just do.

This is the face he showed for the whole 4 days! How Rude!

The flowers I had put in her room were astroemeria. I don't usually buy them because they look like lilies and lilies remind me of funerals, but these were so pretty and at $3.99 a bunch, much more within my budget than the dozen yellow roses I would have chosen had I won the lottery.

Although my friend has been gone for a week, the flowers have lasted until this morning. I was so pleased with how long they lasted I bought myself some more!

Oh, wait. There's no cat in the picture...

That's better.

I deny all allegations of guest cruelty!

The Ides of March

Yes, it's March and it's time for the March Winds. I holed up for the weekend and played in the Rubber Room (yes, like in an insane asylum! But also the place I keep my rubber stamps).

I decided it was time to make new place holders for my card organizer. The old ones were just flimsy poster paper and had gotten rather dog-eared. I decided to layer some colored card stock and take the time to print out labels.

The Padawan Paper Apprentice opted for holing up as well.

Waiting...

Everything is ready and waiting for my friend to arrive from Indiana! She was due for about noon today but she's stuck in Atlanta for an additional 12 hours...and that means it will be midnight before she arrives.


I didn't want this pretty welcoming table display to go unseen so I took a picture of it for posterity.



Mackie is waiting, too...

Eet eez Different Meat

If the world ends and the economy falls, we can all just get jobs at McDonalds. Or so I thought until the other day when I went there and realized that nobody in there spoke or comprehended fair English.

That means that rather than hire good old American folks, they've taken to hiring illegals or barely culturated foreigners for some reason. So they won't be hiring the likes of us anytime soon. We're doomed.

At the drive-up window I asked the attendant what was the difference between a Big n Tasty burger and a Quarter Pounder. He told me, "Eet eez different meat." He made the word meat have about 3 syllables. me-ee-eat.

"Different like it's not 100% beef or perhaps it's made from the hooves or liver?"

"No, ees jus different mee-ee-eat."

"Well, which is bigger, the Big-n-Tasty or the Quarter Pounder?"

"I don' kno-o-ow, Ma'am"

"You don't know which burger is bigger?"

"Ees the mee-ee-eat. Eez different."

"Well, what do you mean by different?"

"Thee bu-uu-un ees thee same si-i-ize, Ma'am. Eet's jus the me-ee-eat that ees different."

I ordered the Quarter Pounder and went to the pay window. I asked the girl there what was the difference between the Quarter Pounder and the Big n' Tasty.

"Eets jus bigger mee-ee-eat" she said.

Bigger isn't always better, you know. Sometimes littler things are so much nicer. And miniature things can be the nicest of all. Here are some of mine:

This little cat likes to sleep curled up on the tea tray.

A creamer for a very small cup of tea.

The bluebird of happiness is really quite small.

Ladybugs, Katherine. Lots and lots of Ladybugs.

Nursery Rhymes should be wee, don't you agree?

And a poodle is supposed to be miniature!

My favorite, favorite: A miniature Barbie.

I Lovia de Haviland

Yesterday I went to say goodbye to a friend's home which is in foreclosure. Just another ridiculously over-zealous lender letting her yank equity from her home...except in this case, the equity was so large she ended up with a $14,000 mortgage payment a month! Imagine that! And her only income is social security of about 800 a month. $14,000 per month. That is about twice what my income was for the ENTIRE YEAR last year. (Yeah, I told you I was po!)

She'd like to blame the bank, I'd like her to place the blame squarely on her own shoulders but it's never going to happen...but that's all in the past now!

Everything she's ever owned is being sold out from underneath her.

Including this set of Haviland:


Which is priced to sell at $2,500. I would like to buy it but doing a quick mathematical configuration I see that is about....um....$2,495.00 over my budget.

Seeing her once cluttered home practically gutted and bare

made me want to run home and hug my own china.

CURRENT EVENTS!

I write the best blog posts while driving in my car or in the middle of the night or while tight rope walking--some place where I can't get to a pen and paper--and since my own brain is no longer a reliable storage unit for retrievable data, I feel like so much of my best stuff gets lost and is never written!

Last night in my sleep I wrote the funniest blog entry evah, but this morning all that remained was the EXCITED title, "CURRENT EVENTS!"

I guess I'll just fill in the blank with whatever's on hand, since I have no idea what fabulous current event I was dreaming about.

Here is a recent thrift store find, now on it's way to one of the winners of my caption contest:


So much for mood lighting.



And here is another CURRENT EVENT! The preparations for a little birthday tea I had for my friend Queen Q. What is missing here is all the fabulous food that she brought! Such as the sausage and onion quiche and the good olive oil in which to dip all that focaccia bread.

I don't know if you can see it, but I stuck a tea light in the center of the Tortuga Rum Cake to make it more festive and birthday-ish.

Her husband was totally skeptical of my claims that a tea light will burn for about 2 hours. "Are you sure?" he kept asking. I could tell that he was multiplying the length of the wick times the volume of wax divided by the circumference of the tin receptacle and coming up with about a ten minute burn.

I'm not interested. I'm not helping. I'm not even paying attention.

Seriously. I'm not helping.

I'm not helping. I'm supervising. Just a little.

Does My Butt Make My Butt Look Big?

The Gang of Unashamed Dorks caught flashing secret gang signs!

Lately here and there I've been musing about all the changes that have occurred in the world during my lifetime. Some good, some bad, and some make me fly into a rant of incoherent rage.

And thus today I bring you Pet Peeve # 235. Elasticized Bed Sheets.

Long, Long ago, someone invented the fitted bottom sheet. And it was Good.

Probably a woman because it was a brilliant idea. It saved time and energy that were better put to use elsewhere like watching soap operas and gabbing with the neighbors over the back fence. The corners of the sheets were mitered and sewn, thus creating a nifty corner that fitted perfectly on corners of the mattress. The top and bottom of the sheet were elasticized and that made it easy to tell the top and bottom from the sides of the sheet and also helped to tuck it into the cramped space of the headboard and foot board.

But those days are long gone. Some fool who has never made a bed in his life, probably doesn't own a bed or know what a sheet is for because his Mother always did it for him, who now spends his adult years living in travel hotels where they have maid service as he flies over to China or Taiwan to check on the progress of his other stupid inventions being manufactured over there by peasants and displaced rice farmers who work for pennies a week and still squat over a smouldering pile of dried yak patties to cook their meager daily meal and don't own a bed either because they still sleep on bamboo rafts that float on the Yangtze where sheets would be useless because they would draw damp right away and make for miserable sleeping, probably thought up this newest folly.

The Elasticized Bottom Bed Sheet. You know what I mean. Instead of the nicely folded corners and the elastic at the top and bottom of the sheet, they now make them to have elastic that runs the entire circumference of the sheet. Which? makes it? impossible? to tell which are the sides and which are the top and bottom.

So instead of just popping the sheet on in no time, you have to attach one corner, stretch and pray that you've got the long ways going the long ways on the bed. But of course you haven't. So you have to pop that corner and spin the sheet but somehow, no matter how careful, you end up with the short side of the sheet again still trying to stretch it to fit the other end of the mattress.

All that elastic does NOT make the bottom sheet stay one whit more taut than if it was the old, un-elasticized way of bed-making. In fact it kind of makes the sheet bunch up and bulk around the edges.

And when you pull those things from the dryer? They are wadded into an elasticized ball and I defy ANYONE to figure out a way to fold them other than leaving them in the wadded ball and shoving them in the bottom of the linen closet somewhere.

It's this modern age, people. It's got to be stopped. Just because we have the technology to create an endless supply of elastic, does not mean we have the right to inflict it on our fitted bottom sheets.

What's next? Elasticized dish towels? Elasticized oven mitts?

Gone are the days of effortless bed making. We've entered an era of unnecessary complications dreamed up by people who think they have to improve things all the time.

It's the simplest of joys and amusements that make life so worth savoring.

Thrift Store Thrills

For some time now I've been freaking out at how bad the visibility is in my car when it's raining or misty. It's like my windshield wipers just smear instead of wipe. I dread driving in the bad weather because I just can't seem to see anything.


Today was payday and like a parched and starving man who just crawled across the desert on his belly like a reptile searching for an oasis with dates and water, I headed out on a little mini shopping spree.


After taking 5 hours to do my taxes yesterday and coming up with either owing the IRS $250 or getting a refund for $42, I decided that there was just no point in stressing about it anymore. It was time to splurge a little.


As I was driving in the misty rain to the nearest Goodwill store, it suddenly dawned on me. I just needed new windshield wiper blades. What in the world made my brain not CLICK on that original idea many, many rainstorms ago? I don't know.

All I know is, in the bleary, blurred streets of Sacramento I found--almost by feel--a car parts store and purchased a set of brand new wiper blades.


Wow! It's like I've been HEALED!


There is nothing like a drive of blindness that is successfully changed into clarity to make the day turn into an upswing! From then on out there was no stopping me from finding the very things I had long been wanting and needing!





Such as this mustard colored Nine West purse. Need I mention here that I refuse to pay full retail price for anything? In fact, I actually hate shopping in places like malls and brand-name stores. I like to go to thrift stores and find bargains. This purse cost me 29 cents and it's brand new! Probably the woman who bought it realized it was the color of Dijon and thought better of keeping it. Probably the woman who priced it thought it was the color of baby poop and knew it wouldn't sell for more than a quarter.


And Then! This is my favorite, favorite! I've been wanting cool jars or canisters or pots or something to put my kitchen utensils in. It's been on my list for more than a year, but I've never found anything that would work. Either too tall or too shallow or too wide-mouthed. Or tippy. But check out these urns!




Okay, the one on the right looks like it was lifted from a grave site but it was a mere 3 bucks and it's that wonderful vanilla-white with a crazed glaze which is my favorite. The one on the left cost two dollars.

And THEN! I spotted this pale yellow floral twin bed comforter and I knew I was going to be blissfully happy forever and ever. It's the PERFECT color and the PERFECT floral pattern.

I'd like to mention here that I don't pose Mackie in any of these shots. He absolutely has to have his nose in anything I'm doing. As soon as he got wind of the new bedspread and heard the camera shutter he was ready for his Close Up, Mr. DeMille.

This bedspread cost $15.00 and was worth it since I've been pricing them at about $29.99-$115.00 anywhere I looked. AND! It doesn't smell like anybody died in it.

Contest Winners!

Well, It's a TIE! I laughed so darn hard at the only two entries I got for my caption contest, that I decided I was just going to awared both Wiggy and Bethany a First Prize!

Just email me your addresses and I'll mail your goodies right out to you! And thank you for participating. I really enjoyed those perfect, adorable and funny captions!!!

Caption Contest

You can win a prize! Just submit (to comments) the winning caption for this picture. Judging is based solely on the whim and caprice of Miss Pink Ponsonby. The prize is going to be something totally feminine and drooly from my china cabinet. Or maybe the linen closet. Or my fabric stash. Or from my paper craft/rubber stamp supplies. I'm not sure yet but I know it will be good.

Get a Clue

I got stuck this weekend in a rinky dink motel in the middle of cow country due to the fog, with nothing on the television but 3 channels and they were in Spanish.

(Understandable. After all, this isn't America, it's Tax-Free North Mexico.)

I was so bored I made up a new game in my head. Actually it's just a spin on an old favorite: Clue.

I used to love Clue! I loved the names and the game pieces and most especially the game board with the floor plan of a house with secret passages and everything.

I loved it that Mr. Boddy had a Library! And a Conservatory!

I was thinking that to folks nowadays, what with the dumbing down of America and all that, it would be more marketable if the characters, house and weapons were more in keeping with this new generation.

So I came up with some alternatives:

Trailer Trash Clue: Cousin Billy in the Coon Shed with the Meth Pipe.

Or:

Country Clue: Aunt Doraleen in the Grainery with the Pitchfork.

I love that word; Grainery.

Or:

Ghetto Clue: Brotha Darryl in the Alley with the Glock.

And finally:

Illegal Alien Clue: Jose in the Tomato Fields with the Machete.

Oh, wait, here's one more:

Miss Pink in the Morning Room with the Lead Teapot.