Thursday, February 19, 2009


Everything is ready and waiting for my friend to arrive from Indiana! She was due for about noon today but she's stuck in Atlanta for an additional 12 hours...and that means it will be midnight before she arrives.

I didn't want this pretty welcoming table display to go unseen so I took a picture of it for posterity.

Mackie is waiting, too...

Monday, February 16, 2009

Eet eez Different Meat

If the world ends and the economy falls, we can all just get jobs at McDonalds. Or so I thought until the other day when I went there and realized that nobody in there spoke or comprehended fair English.

That means that rather than hire good old American folks, they've taken to hiring illegals or barely culturated foreigners for some reason. So they won't be hiring the likes of us anytime soon. We're doomed.

At the drive-up window I asked the attendant what was the difference between a Big n Tasty burger and a Quarter Pounder. He told me, "Eet eez different meat." He made the word meat have about 3 syllables. me-ee-eat.

"Different like it's not 100% beef or perhaps it's made from the hooves or liver?"

"No, ees jus different mee-ee-eat."

"Well, which is bigger, the Big-n-Tasty or the Quarter Pounder?"

"I don' kno-o-ow, Ma'am"

"You don't know which burger is bigger?"

"Ees the mee-ee-eat. Eez different."

"Well, what do you mean by different?"

"Thee bu-uu-un ees thee same si-i-ize, Ma'am. Eet's jus the me-ee-eat that ees different."

I ordered the Quarter Pounder and went to the pay window. I asked the girl there what was the difference between the Quarter Pounder and the Big n' Tasty.

"Eets jus bigger mee-ee-eat" she said.

Bigger isn't always better, you know. Sometimes littler things are so much nicer. And miniature things can be the nicest of all. Here are some of mine:

This little cat likes to sleep curled up on the tea tray.

A creamer for a very small cup of tea.

The bluebird of happiness is really quite small.

Ladybugs, Katherine. Lots and lots of Ladybugs.

Nursery Rhymes should be wee, don't you agree?

And a poodle is supposed to be miniature!

My favorite, favorite: A miniature Barbie.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I Lovia de Haviland

Yesterday I went to say goodbye to a friend's home which is in foreclosure. Just another ridiculously over-zealous lender letting her yank equity from her home...except in this case, the equity was so large she ended up with a $14,000 mortgage payment a month! Imagine that! And her only income is social security of about 800 a month. $14,000 per month. That is about twice what my income was for the ENTIRE YEAR last year. (Yeah, I told you I was po!)

She'd like to blame the bank, I'd like her to place the blame squarely on her own shoulders but it's never going to happen...but that's all in the past now!

Everything she's ever owned is being sold out from underneath her.

Including this set of Haviland:

Which is priced to sell at $2,500. I would like to buy it but doing a quick mathematical configuration I see that is$2,495.00 over my budget.

Seeing her once cluttered home practically gutted and bare

made me want to run home and hug my own china.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


I write the best blog posts while driving in my car or in the middle of the night or while tight rope walking--some place where I can't get to a pen and paper--and since my own brain is no longer a reliable storage unit for retrievable data, I feel like so much of my best stuff gets lost and is never written!

Last night in my sleep I wrote the funniest blog entry evah, but this morning all that remained was the EXCITED title, "CURRENT EVENTS!"

I guess I'll just fill in the blank with whatever's on hand, since I have no idea what fabulous current event I was dreaming about.

Here is a recent thrift store find, now on it's way to one of the winners of my caption contest:

So much for mood lighting.

And here is another CURRENT EVENT! The preparations for a little birthday tea I had for my friend Queen Q. What is missing here is all the fabulous food that she brought! Such as the sausage and onion quiche and the good olive oil in which to dip all that focaccia bread.

I don't know if you can see it, but I stuck a tea light in the center of the Tortuga Rum Cake to make it more festive and birthday-ish.

Her husband was totally skeptical of my claims that a tea light will burn for about 2 hours. "Are you sure?" he kept asking. I could tell that he was multiplying the length of the wick times the volume of wax divided by the circumference of the tin receptacle and coming up with about a ten minute burn.

I'm not interested. I'm not helping. I'm not even paying attention.

Seriously. I'm not helping.

I'm not helping. I'm supervising. Just a little.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Does My Butt Make My Butt Look Big?

The Gang of Unashamed Dorks caught flashing secret gang signs!

Lately here and there I've been musing about all the changes that have occurred in the world during my lifetime. Some good, some bad, and some make me fly into a rant of incoherent rage.

And thus today I bring you Pet Peeve # 235. Elasticized Bed Sheets.

Long, Long ago, someone invented the fitted bottom sheet. And it was Good.
Probably a woman because it was a brilliant idea. It saved time and energy that were better put to use elsewhere like watching soap operas and gabbing with the neighbors over the back fence. The corners of the sheets were mitered and sewn, thus creating a nifty corner that fitted perfectly on corners of the mattress. The top and bottom of the sheet were elasticized and that made it easy to tell the top and bottom from the sides of the sheet and also helped to tuck it into the cramped space of the headboard and foot board.

But those days are long gone. Some fool who has never made a bed in his life, probably doesn't own a bed or know what a sheet is for because his Mother always did it for him, who now spends his adult years living in travel hotels where they have maid service as he flies over to China or Taiwan to check on the progress of his other stupid inventions being manufactured over there by peasants and displaced rice farmers who work for pennies a week and still squat over a smouldering pile of dried yak patties to cook their meager daily meal and don't own a bed either because they still sleep on bamboo rafts that float on the Yangtze where sheets would be useless because they would draw damp right away and make for miserable sleeping, probably thought up this newest folly.

The Elasticized Bottom Bed Sheet. You know what I mean. Instead of the nicely folded corners and the elastic at the top and bottom of the sheet, they now make them to have elastic that runs the entire circumference of the sheet. Which? makes it? impossible? to tell which are the sides and which are the top and bottom.

So instead of just popping the sheet on in no time, you have to attach one corner, stretch and pray that you've got the long ways going the long ways on the bed. But of course you haven't. So you have to pop that corner and spin the sheet but somehow, no matter how careful, you end up with the short side of the sheet again still trying to stretch it to fit the other end of the mattress.

All that elastic does NOT make the bottom sheet stay one whit more taut than if it was the old, un-elasticized way of bed-making. In fact it kind of makes the sheet bunch up and bulk around the edges.

And when you pull those things from the dryer? They are wadded into an elasticized ball and I defy ANYONE to figure out a way to fold them other than leaving them in the wadded ball and shoving them in the bottom of the linen closet somewhere.

It's this modern age, people. It's got to be stopped. Just because we have the technology to create an endless supply of elastic, does not mean we have the right to inflict it on our fitted bottom sheets.

What's next? Elasticized dish towels? Elasticized oven mitts?
Gone are the days of effortless bed making. We've entered an era of unnecessary complications dreamed up by people who think they have to improve things all the time.

It's the simplest of joys and amusements that make life so worth savoring.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Thrift Store Thrills

For some time now I've been freaking out at how bad the visibility is in my car when it's raining or misty. It's like my windshield wipers just smear instead of wipe. I dread driving in the bad weather because I just can't seem to see anything.

Today was payday and like a parched and starving man who just crawled across the desert on his belly like a reptile searching for an oasis with dates and water, I headed out on a little mini shopping spree.

After taking 5 hours to do my taxes yesterday and coming up with either owing the IRS $250 or getting a refund for $42, I decided that there was just no point in stressing about it anymore. It was time to splurge a little.

As I was driving in the misty rain to the nearest Goodwill store, it suddenly dawned on me. I just needed new windshield wiper blades. What in the world made my brain not CLICK on that original idea many, many rainstorms ago? I don't know.

All I know is, in the bleary, blurred streets of Sacramento I found--almost by feel--a car parts store and purchased a set of brand new wiper blades.

Wow! It's like I've been HEALED!

There is nothing like a drive of blindness that is successfully changed into clarity to make the day turn into an upswing! From then on out there was no stopping me from finding the very things I had long been wanting and needing!

Such as this mustard colored Nine West purse. Need I mention here that I refuse to pay full retail price for anything? In fact, I actually hate shopping in places like malls and brand-name stores. I like to go to thrift stores and find bargains. This purse cost me 29 cents and it's brand new! Probably the woman who bought it realized it was the color of Dijon and thought better of keeping it. Probably the woman who priced it thought it was the color of baby poop and knew it wouldn't sell for more than a quarter.

And Then! This is my favorite, favorite! I've been wanting cool jars or canisters or pots or something to put my kitchen utensils in. It's been on my list for more than a year, but I've never found anything that would work. Either too tall or too shallow or too wide-mouthed. Or tippy. But check out these urns!

Okay, the one on the right looks like it was lifted from a grave site but it was a mere 3 bucks and it's that wonderful vanilla-white with a crazed glaze which is my favorite. The one on the left cost two dollars.

And THEN! I spotted this pale yellow floral twin bed comforter and I knew I was going to be blissfully happy forever and ever. It's the PERFECT color and the PERFECT floral pattern.

I'd like to mention here that I don't pose Mackie in any of these shots. He absolutely has to have his nose in anything I'm doing. As soon as he got wind of the new bedspread and heard the camera shutter he was ready for his Close Up, Mr. DeMille.

This bedspread cost $15.00 and was worth it since I've been pricing them at about $29.99-$115.00 anywhere I looked. AND! It doesn't smell like anybody died in it.

Contest Winners!

Well, It's a TIE! I laughed so darn hard at the only two entries I got for my caption contest, that I decided I was just going to awared both Wiggy and Bethany a First Prize!

Just email me your addresses and I'll mail your goodies right out to you! And thank you for participating. I really enjoyed those perfect, adorable and funny captions!!!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Caption Contest

You can win a prize! Just submit (to comments) the winning caption for this picture. Judging is based solely on the whim and caprice of Miss Pink Ponsonby. The prize is going to be something totally feminine and drooly from my china cabinet. Or maybe the linen closet. Or my fabric stash. Or from my paper craft/rubber stamp supplies. I'm not sure yet but I know it will be good.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Get a Clue

I got stuck this weekend in a rinky dink motel in the middle of cow country due to the fog, with nothing on the television but 3 channels and they were in Spanish.

(Understandable. After all, this isn't America, it's Tax-Free North Mexico.)

I was so bored I made up a new game in my head. Actually it's just a spin on an old favorite: Clue.

I used to love Clue! I loved the names and the game pieces and most especially the game board with the floor plan of a house with secret passages and everything.

I loved it that Mr. Boddy had a Library! And a Conservatory!

I was thinking that to folks nowadays, what with the dumbing down of America and all that, it would be more marketable if the characters, house and weapons were more in keeping with this new generation.

So I came up with some alternatives:

Trailer Trash Clue: Cousin Billy in the Coon Shed with the Meth Pipe.


Country Clue: Aunt Doraleen in the Grainery with the Pitchfork.

I love that word; Grainery.


Ghetto Clue: Brotha Darryl in the Alley with the Glock.

And finally:

Illegal Alien Clue: Jose in the Tomato Fields with the Machete.

Oh, wait, here's one more:

Miss Pink in the Morning Room with the Lead Teapot.