Thursday, September 15, 2005

So You Think You Can Dance...

Image hosted by Try Tyrolean Line Dancing with a guy in a poofy skirted pirate's vest!

The thing about me and dancing is that I am left handed. And Left Footed. And all dance under creation starts and ends with the right foot. This puts me at such a disadvantage for things like "step out on the right foot! Step Back!" because I will start with the left foot, hesitate, keel over, try to switch to my right foot while the left foot is in mid-air, turn pink with embarrassment, barely manage to cover my tracks in time to get that right foot out there the way it is supposed to be, only to look around and discover that the entire rest of the dance class has now graduated to waltzing, rhumba, and figure skating in sequined costumes.

No one will EVER say to me, "Oh Captain Butler you do dance divinely!" or anything like it.

But the thing is, I keep trying. I recently signed on for 10 weeks of belly dancing lessons. It's a required course in safely navigating a Mid-Life Renaissance 101 Survival and Reinvention Program, and I may as well get it over with now. And the class itself is cheap! What they don't tell you is that you have to have those little cymbal thingees for your fingers and a very expensive scarf with fake coins hanging off it so you jingle-jangle and make a happy sound. Oh, those cymbal thingees: right-right left. right-right left. That puts me into the category of 'beginning belly dancers who have no rhythm, no rhythm at all.' Because I try to do it left, left, right...left, left, right.

Plus I don't know about you folks but I don't often spend a solid hour on my own legs, hopping around and shaking my shimmy and throwing my right/left hip into dysplasia by imagining I am slamming a car door with a bag full of groceries in my hands. WHAM! (I could and should perfect this skill. Next time I am on a crowded conveyance and need to make a little elbow room, WHAM. I just get TIRED. I want to sit down and close my eyes. Everyone else in there is just bellying away and having so much fun doing it! They dance in perfect step with each other and their finger cymbals all sound alike. I paid good money to learn that a left handed belly dancer does not have a chance.