Willy the 'Pider

This morning found me having an imaginary fit in the shower, arguing with Rush Limbaugh about whether or not it would be a good idea to put mandatory birth control in the water supply. (I vote yes, I mean we do it with flouride to decrease the amount of your tax dollars that go to dental work for the great unwashed, why not sterility drugs for everyone? Just until they pass a certain age and a parenting exam, of course) (never mind that flouride is toxic when swallowed, it says so on your toothpaste tube, read it sometime; they do it anyway.)

When I get this, which is some kind of psychological condition called, "Externalization Blame Syndrome" ( I prefer to call it Concerned Citizen in fear of Overpopulation Issues), I know that I must leave the confines of my darling abode and head out for some serious soothing shopping. I have a store of choice: It is called William Glen. In it, I can lose myself for hours in the displays of Wedgewood, Waterford, teeny Limoge boxes, teapots galore and all the latest Vera Bradley Handbags starting at 50 dollars and up.

Alas today, the hallowed halls did not really work their calming magic on me. They had a giant center-aisle display with creepy-crawlies, llife-sized bride and groom skeletons, eerie shrieking sound boxes with creaking crypt lids and cats yowling and witches cackling. Cobwebs hung everywhere and all was chaos. Dark, Macabre Chaos.

This meant that I had to go to Trader Joes instead and buy several different kinds of cheeses and some chocolate covered banana chips.

In the store I did see some really, really cute table linens. They were burnt autumn orange dinner napkins with an appliqued spider on them. I instantly knew that I could make them myself and save the $5.50 each price tag. One thing about William Glenn. They don't know what a discount price is. They don't know what a SALE is. They do have a dark, dank little corridor on the way to the restrooms that has some CLEARANCE items on it but the prices are a joke! Ridiculous! Ludicrous! A plate, chipped, lost, forlorn without any mates of it's own kind, with the original price tag of $79.95 will have been peevishly reduced with red marker to the new sticker price of $75.30 AS IS. I'm not kidding! A cute little sugar bowl with a cracked lid was marked from $19.95 to $17.85 AS IS. Obviously the concept of the meaning of the word CLEARANCE, as in Clear it Out quickly by reducing the price to practically nothing, is lost and hidden from them.

Never mind. I just want to have a simple autumn decor, with some kind of happy memory attached. Nothing expensive, requiring batteries, or elaborate systems of sound speakers and flashing lights. I want something like Willy the 'Pider, who graced our autumn home with real style and mustached flare for all the years of our lives. He probably cost 79 cents brand new, back in the day. Mom still hangs him up every year!