Yesterday was the 17th, and that marked the One Month Point until my 50th birthday. I seemed to do fine with it except for the niggling little feelings of guilt, disappointment and suppressed horror concerning my lack of commitment to my goals, my fitness level, my weight, my lifestyle, and my spiritual growth.
I happened to catch a rerun of that Oprah episode in which she has Dr. Mehmet Oz come and tell everyone just what they need to do to feel years younger, achieve perfect health and fitness and die happy, just by eating 5 perfect foods. Oh, and doing 25 bent-knee push-ups each day and 25 Core sit-ups. As I was watching it, I wanted to shout at the tv: What the hell is a CORE? Do I have one? Where is it?
I mean, I know that I have a stomach that gets hungry, and I know I have a spine, but if I try to locate my core, I don't actually have a sensation of it. Do you have one? Do you know where it is? Can you help me find mine?
I’ve heard about my CORE before. They are forever telling you to do core-strengthening exercises and to tighten your core before you do leg lifts or confront your boss. I always thought I knew where mine was but frankly, now I realize I haven’t got a clue!
Out of guilt, and just to give it the old ‘heave-ho/one more try’ attitude, I rolled out of bed and made it to 10 bent-knee push-ups before I gave out and caused a rug burn on my chin when I skidded to a halt face down on the carpet. But I felt good about that.
Then, I flipped myself over like a sludgy, syrup-soaked pancake; careful not to ooze out over the sides or anything, and attempted to strengthen my core by doing the bent-knee sit-ups that he described.
Prior to hearing about doing it from my core, I had always put my hands behind my neck and just jerked. That causes a rocketing forward of the upper body, thus propelling me into a sitting-up position. Falling backwards in exhaustion completes part two of the two-part sit-up. Now, after 49 11/12ths years of this, I’m being told this yanks my neck all out of whack and doesn’t utilize my core!
Okay, so I put my hands over my eyes and left my arms limp, and proceeded to sit up, using only my CORE. And now I know what a paraplegic who’s been tipped out of his/her wheelchair feels like. Because NOTHING HAPPENED. I couldn’t budge. My core did not rise to the ceremony and lift me into a strengthening and soul-feeding sit-up. I flailed! I floundered! I gasped like a beach-tossed porpoise but to no avail! NO CORE came to my rescue to set me free on the tide of Total Fitness. I’m doomed. And I feel like a total failure.