But Deet says, "Oh, we are all about Rachel Ray now! Everyone is just wild about her!"
So I made a point of watching the New Rachel Ray show. I was expecting a good show. I mean, they've hyped her for months now and she seems to have this rabid base of screaming fans ready to tear each other limb from limb to get tickets to her show...so I was really astonished to find myself not only underwhelmed but absolutely irritated!
First of all, what is she SHRIEKING about? Doesn't she have a microphone? Is there some reason for the frenzy she has her audience whipped into over a bite of Bologna sandwich?
I just want to take her and Grow Her Up. You know, make her stop talking like a 12 year old, and acting like a Pekinese on Crank.
HOW, how, how did she get her own television show? Endorsed by Oprah? What am I missing? What is the appeal? Is it because she is "just like us" as opposed to the high-flung, aloof and snobbish Martha Stewart? Say what you will about Martha, she taught us to love the lifestyle she herself attempted to live; of creativity and design and the love of well-made things and the respect for antiques and collectibles...and this Rachel Ray actually had never even COOKED before she rose to skyrocketed fame.
I will always love Martha. She gave me dreams that I could aspire towards. It didn't matter that I would attempt a tower of crystallized donut holes that should look like an edible and festive version of the Pyramid of Giza, but ended up toppled over, crushed and sticky! At least I was inspired to TRY.
With Rachel Ray, what is there to TRY? A seven-minute meal? I've known how to fry up strips of yak meat in whale blubber with a side of seaweed salad and some pasturized Seal Milk in three minutes, so what is so exciting about grilled chicken breasts and arugula with olive oil on it? She received a STANDING OVATION for that!!!???? WHY????
I dared to brave the family Email Trail and announce that they could Shoot ME, but I HATED RACHEL RAY. Good Old Aunt Iney sent this email in response:
I came home from working yesterday afternoon and Chuck was sitting here in the living room watching some screechy girl fix spinach salad with grated cheese on it after all the e-coli outbreak on T.V. and in the news. He said that is that Rachel Ray everybody is watching.
That shows how smart they are. Inez