Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I Hate Rachel Ray

Not too long ago I told my cousin Deets that I had caught the new Martha Stewart show on tv and really liked it. It's a totally different, more 'audience friendly' version of her old show. But I adored her old show! It had travel segments, segments on how blueberries are raked and cranberries are bogged, and trips to the inside depths of old dusty warehouses full of ancient hand-printed wallpapers. On any given day you could see a collection of vintage table-cloths, visit a crystal door-knob repair shop, learn to groom your dog effectively and in 30 seconds flat, AND whip up a cheese blintz breakfast with a side of Raspberry Rum Toddies. It was well-produced, top-of-the-line educational television to my way of thinking!

But Deet says, "Oh, we are all about Rachel Ray now! Everyone is just wild about her!"

So I made a point of watching the New Rachel Ray show. I was expecting a good show. I mean, they've hyped her for months now and she seems to have this rabid base of screaming fans ready to tear each other limb from limb to get tickets to her I was really astonished to find myself not only underwhelmed but absolutely irritated!

First of all, what is she SHRIEKING about? Doesn't she have a microphone? Is there some reason for the frenzy she has her audience whipped into over a bite of Bologna sandwich?

I just want to take her and Grow Her Up. You know, make her stop talking like a 12 year old, and acting like a Pekinese on Crank.

HOW, how, how did she get her own television show? Endorsed by Oprah? What am I missing? What is the appeal? Is it because she is "just like us" as opposed to the high-flung, aloof and snobbish Martha Stewart? Say what you will about Martha, she taught us to love the lifestyle she herself attempted to live; of creativity and design and the love of well-made things and the respect for antiques and collectibles...and this Rachel Ray actually had never even COOKED before she rose to skyrocketed fame.

I will always love Martha. She gave me dreams that I could aspire towards. It didn't matter that I would attempt a tower of crystallized donut holes that should look like an edible and festive version of the Pyramid of Giza, but ended up toppled over, crushed and sticky! At least I was inspired to TRY.

With Rachel Ray, what is there to TRY? A seven-minute meal? I've known how to fry up strips of yak meat in whale blubber with a side of seaweed salad and some pasturized Seal Milk in three minutes, so what is so exciting about grilled chicken breasts and arugula with olive oil on it? She received a STANDING OVATION for that!!!???? WHY????

I dared to brave the family Email Trail and announce that they could Shoot ME, but I HATED RACHEL RAY. Good Old Aunt Iney sent this email in response:

I came home from working yesterday afternoon and Chuck was sitting here in the living room watching some screechy girl fix spinach salad with grated cheese on it after all the e-coli outbreak on T.V. and in the news. He said that is that Rachel Ray everybody is watching.
That shows how smart they are. Inez


June said...

I am so relieved that someone admits she doesn't care for Rachel Ray--neither do I and for all the same reasons. I'd kept my dislike to myself because I thought maybe there was something wrong with me as everyone else liked her. I read/saw (can't remember) that she was on some project with Paula Deen and Paula was shocked and upset that Rachel didn't know even basic cooking skills. How interesting is that!

Miss Pink Ponsonby said...

VERY! She seems to be this media-invented darling and I just don't get it!! So don't be afraid to speak up, there must be others like us out there!!!!

PEA said...

I know who Rachel Ray is from seeing her picture in magazines but I have never watched her on tv...I'm guessing that's a good thing? lol Although I love cooking and baking, I've never enjoyed watching cooking shows. Hugs xox

Anonymous said...

I have enjoyed Rachel in the past on the Food Network when she traveled around different cities to show us how to out on a budget. This new show of hers that Oprah is backing is just annoying. She has no interviewer skills....she talks incessently....and she has this scary smile taht is plastered on her face that looks like Jack Nicholson as "The Joker".

Maria said...

I too prefer Martha Stewart over RR. She is educated, calm and seems to be pretty honest for the most part. But I will get a throbbing headache listening to the incessant screaming, yelling, and fake hype Rachel Ray places on everything she talks about. Even if it is about making a pb&j sandwich, she'll blow it up way out of proportion. I really hate people like that, they remind me of ppl in infomercials. I can't believe people fall for that shitty overly positive crap act she puts on. A neighbor thinks that her act is nice cause she is just excited... I think she is on crank. This country is sick for believing and liking such incredible fakeness.

Anonymous said...

i also hate Rachel Ray . she talk to mach and i hate they way she talk her look she always anmbeasing her self and she so disgesting i dont like her it all who the fuck she think she is ...
bitch ...

your mother said...

yes. can't stand her. saw her picture, thought, why not? heard her, thought, that's why. and yes, her recipes suck. big time. i make more interesting food than she does. and i'm a guy. i'd still make more interesting food if i only had the use of my left foot too.

i don't see why or how anyone finds her attractive or appealing. maybe there's some conspiratorial vagina-praising/penis-shriveling motive behind the link between her and oprah?

honestly, i don't even see how oprah manages to remain so popular except by preying on women's issues/gullibility. oh, wait, because that's just what she does: AIMS FOR THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR.

down with rachel ray. she sucks.

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with you. After watching the recent Fine Living Halloween telecast, I was struck with homesickness. The current shows are a wane copy. I'm tired of talk shows that are aimed at skilless people. When are we going to get another show aimed at people with a brain like the old MARTHA STEWART LIVING.