Crack

I've got a Crack problem. I've had it since I was a teen, and the older I get, the worse it shows.

My Crack

Some people think that showing a little crack is sexy. Some cultures, like Mexico (is Mexico a culture?) actually EXPECT a crack habit in their females. Even respected women journalists are encouraged to display their crack habit for all to see. I know this because I watch Univision! And Crack is EVERYWHERE on that channel.

In India, however, displaying a little crack is considered downright filthy. They show their bellies in a sari, no problem, but you won't see them showing any crack in public! They keep their crack usage under wraps! A woman admitting to having crack would actually be ostracized and no one would introduce her to their sons and husbands.

For years I was tortured by the social implications of having so much crack. Flaunt it like every Jezebel in Hollywood and on TV? Wear clothing designed to hide the tell-tale signs of too much crack? Turtle Neck sweaters are a little impractical in the California summers. Should I sneak around and only show my crack at night, under the guise of 'evening wear'? Every day was fraught with worry: endlessly checking the mirror to see if my crack use was showing. If I went out in public, would men stare? Would women hiss? Would nursing babies try to grab a handful?What if I caused a traffic jam?

And then I discovered the greatest crack-intervention tool ever designed by modern dressmakers! It's called: The Wife Beater. With the Wife Beater (which comes in an array of colors) I can at last safely and securely hide my crack habit from the casual eye.

Post-Intervention Crack

Once I discovered the healing properties of the Wife Beater Undershirt, I was suddenly awakened to a whole new world of possibilities. Styles that had previously been forbidden to me, were suddenly wearable and downright cute!

I am so thankful that I had this discovery, rebirth and recovery in time. What started out as a small bit of toe-cleavage in the elegant shoe soon progressed upwards towards the crack you see pictured at the top of this post.

I shudder to think what might have come next. With the rise in popularity of the 'low rise' jeans, it is quite possible that I might have ended up wearing a THONG.