Friday, August 10, 2007

No Clay Pot for YOU!

I just love it when Mackie naps in this chair. I feel like I have a color-coded cat. It's especially cute when he sprawls across the entire seat and uses the arm for a pillow/head rest. Which he refused to do for the entire hour I stood there waiting with the camera ready. So never mind, no picture for you! NO PICTURE FOR YOU!

Having said that I am reminded of the fact that no matter how many Bold, italic or UPPER CASE remarks I make, I still feel my blog is sometimes lacking in capturing the true nuances of expression. I really do talk with all that excitement and punctuation!!!! Why speak with one exclamation mark when you can elevate to 5 or 6 of them?! !!!!! After all, I can't use arm gestures. How else are you to know how strongly I feel about these things?I MUST PUNCTUATE!!!!

Ages ago, I was on the Atkins Diet for a year and I lost about a thousand pounds and I had a blast doing it. I never suffered, except for maybe the first few days when all that carb-deprivation and upsurge of raw, feral, bloody animal protein made me a tad aggressive. Or so my friends say, who groaned and ran like scared chickens when I told them I was going to start on the Atkins diet again. Some actually begged me not to do it. One even surreptitiously checked my closets for weapons like machetes and stabby ice picks.

Anyway, while I was on the Atkins Diet I ate dinner every night at the Mayflower Chinese Restaurant. I had it delivered, and I always had the broccoli beef, no rice. The owner/manager got to know me quite well and even started to abuse me like a member of his own family when I'd call to place my order. He couldn't handle the fact that I would not want steamed rice with my food. The idea was repulsive to him. He would argue with me about it and send the rice anyway, no charge.

Me: "Hi! This is Miss Pink. I'd like to order #14 Brocolli Beef to be delivered."
Chinese guy: "I know. I know. I know where you live. Steamed Rice or Fried?"
Me: "No, thanks. No rice. Just the brocolli beef."
Chinese guy: "You eat rice, Missy. I send anyway. Steamed rice, no charge.!"
Me: "Gosh, thanks, but I can't eat rice, it would just go to waste, just the broccoli beef, please."

In order to avoid further escalation and Chinese scolding I would hold my tongue and when the order arrived the delivery man would always make a point of showing me that there was indeed steamed rice by rootling around in the bottom of the bag and tapping on the rice carton. "STEAMED RICE NO CHARGE!" he would holler at me while standing on my door step.

Occasionally, just for a splurge, I ventured out into the world of shrimps in lobster sauce or Orange Chicken, but I would always get the same rice scolding treatment. It was really quite dear to my heart, if you want to know.

One time, I decided to go all-out and I ordered a clay pot dish. I could almost hear the steam shooting out of Chinese Man's Ears as he castigated me, "NO CLAY POT! DINE IN, ONLY! NO CLAY POT FOR YOU!"

Can I have it if I promise to eat my rice?

I suppose that forever after, anytime I have to use a phrase even remotely containing the idea that you can't have something, I will always bark it at the person I am denying: No canned food for you, Mackie! No toilet paper for YOU, guest in my home! No dollar for YOU, homeless person! No Right of Way for YOU, rude driver! No iced tea for YOU, thirsty person!

Isn't that just so much fun?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

YES!!! And we still say "No clay pot...." around here, too :-) It is classic Miss Pink!!!

Queen Q