Sputterscotch

I just got off the phone with my second cousin Spanky Grizelle. She's a shut in, suffering from that rare and possibly imaginary condition known as "Environmental Illness." She is on disability because she can't stand to be around anything even remotely chemical smelling. Even food smells disturb her, so her life is an endless mess of trying to find a helpful friend to cook for her at their house so her own place never smells like food.

When Grizelle calls, we talk about our childhood times together; the memories we share when we were wild young things chasing inappropriate boys, and our favorite TV shows. We dissect every aspect of what's on TV, and it's very satisfying.

Lately, our fixation has been "America's Got Talent". We like it because we can pick a favorite or two and make fun of the rest. We are both just mad about the ventriloquist and not mad at all about the Beat Boxer Chick known as Butterscotch. In a slip of the tongue, ole Spanky called her "Sputterscotch" and the name stuck. We just aren't fans of beat boxing!

Television just seems so dismal lately. So many quasi-reality shows, and so many things posing as reality shows which really turn out to be game shows in disguise. I am particularly annoyed with the new concept of "The Caveman" show. It just seems like a weird way to sneak around and exploit a group of people who can't complain. Like shows that made fun of blacks, or Asians, or Hillbillies were such big hits, and they can't bear to let that potential revenue-producing idea die out. I just wonder what kind of stereotypes they are going to 'invent' for these cavemen. We were chatting away when suddenly Grizelle said, almost in a panic, "Those aren't REAL cavemen, are they?" You know, because just for a moment there she thought they might be.

Grizelle, Grizelle. I told her in all seriousness that, indeed, these were REAL Cavemen, an entire Tribe/Family Unit of them that were discovered frozen in a cave and carefully thawed out and revitalized and brought to life and now are going to be featured on a Reality TV show. Because, that's the kind of society we've become! No more studying these rare finds in a carefully protected lab or facility. No more Area 51 and secret government/alien compounds. We just trot them out and film them, to see what kind of ratings they can achieve.

Follow the Crazy Antics of these Hairy Human-opods as they navigate the upscale world of Los Angeles. They howl, they scratch their pits, they barely stand upright! Sometimes they get in their cars and drive around not wearing underwear! Often drunk and mostly incoherent, they breed indiscriminately and don't buckle their kids into their car seats! Because they're Primitive, Y'all!

Oh, wait, that's the Britney Spears show. Sorry, all television looks alike to me.