Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Ayn Stein's Pandemic

The thing is, I think we could use a really good pandemic. Like Ebineezer Scrooge, I'd like to see a decrease in the surplus population.

Imagine being able to go to the mall and get what you want because there is nobody left to fight you for the last tacky designer-brand object! Think what it would be like to just move on up to the big mansion on the hill without the bother and expense of paying for it or finding a good realtor!

There will be no shortage of gas, clean air or pecans when there is a shortage of people!

Alas, we've learned from the natural disasters--the big ones--like Katrina and the Asian Tsunami of 2004, that nature is no respecter of persons. A really big wave wipes out the deserving and the undeserving alike. And leaves behind a terrible mess.

So all this talk of Avian bird flu pandemics has me thinking that what we chiefly need is a designer pandemic! One that specifically targets the stupid and cruel, for instance. And anyone with a drop of Fundamentalist Muslimism combined with a need to kill anyone who isn't. And perhaps it could clear out anyone who continues to breed after having two or three children when they clearly cannot feed or provide for their offspring. I'd like a wholesale wiping-out of people who drive recklessly with a latte in one hand and a cell phone in the other using their elbows to steer. Anyone exhibiting tendencies towards violence while lacking compassion. People who breed pit bulls. Pit bulls themselves, they can go.

This pandemic will need to be very organized. It can self-dissolve within 24 hours of the death of the bodies it inhabits. You know, like Poof! No messy clean up and no after-odor! Just miles of real estate and no traffic jams.

If we don't learn to self-regulate, I fear that nature will do it for us. So far she has just twitched a few times, like a dog with a flea. But if nature really decides that the Human Population is the one variable which is constant in the destruction of the ecosystem...then Hello Avian Bird Flu! Hello Pandemic! Goodbye ME!


The blogs & Articles team said...

This is just to let you know, that we found the recent post in your Blog, related to the bird flu virus, to be interesting, with a er... different point of view!

We have today added that entry of your blog, to the "Recent Entries, from the Best Bird Flu Blogs & Articles on the Web" section of our web site: www.birdflubreakingnews.com.

Thank you for this and we hope that we will have further contributions from you, regrading the important subject of the bird flu.

The blogs & Articles team.

Anonymous said...

wow KK, you're really getting quite popular with this whole bird flu thing - who would have thought!

Miss Pink Ponsonby said...

Not that popular! (wryly). It's given me like 2 extra hits on my site, plus I think that thing is auto-generated anytime you use 'bird flu' in a blog entry. Should I use it again in my next entry to make sure?