Saturday, May 26, 2007

Nocturnal Emissions

The crows are badgering me again! I don’t know what they want. They sit outside my window on the telephone line and caw. They fly by my window and caw. They wheel in the sky above my apartment and several of them at once are cawing. I love crows! I think they are Big Medicine! I just don’t know how to figure out what they are telling me.

Here’s a burning question for you: When those tattoo fanatics have used up all their available body space, what do they do? Especially when every inch of them is covered in colored ink, with tattoos so old they don’t care about them anymore, and always newer and better art just around the corner.

Yesterday's episode of Dr. Phil was about bad stepmothers and bad ex-wives battling each other over the kids, Tne husband was so miserable, I looked at him and thought, “He’s married at Both Ends, Poor Man!” I love Dr. Phil. I especially like it when he nails someone with the question, “And how is that working for you?” It gets me every time! It never fails to please the audience and stun the stupid person with the destructive and repetitive behavior.

You know I don’t mind my downstairs neighbors that much. We aren’t friends or friendly, probably because they are half my age and also because their scheduled comings and goings never coincide with mine. But they aren’t particularly noisy and other than the Chicken Grill Fanatic male half of the couple driving me nuts for a while there with his grilling every night outside my window until the landlord made him stop because of fire Marshall regulations, I don’t really have any complaints about them.

Until last night….(enter scary strains of creepy music…)

Grill Guy, whose bedroom is directly below mine and whose bed is in the same exact spot as mine so that I sometimes feel we share a pillow, must have been having Night Terrors. Because as I was lying there trying my hardest to stop being a jitterbug insomniac, I heard this deep booming voice say, The Spawns! The Spawns! The Spawns have arrived, standing right there behind me!”

I think he’s played one scary Sci-Fi video game too many.

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