Friday, December 21, 2007

Time for the Yearly Newsletter, Y'all!

It’s a Wonderful Life
Dear Family, Friends, Acquaintances and Total Strangers:

It’s time once again for the Annual Update on me and my family. As you know, it is a Great Pleasure to send you these yearly reports in a chatty newsletter format. Even though my family and friends talk on the phone daily, this letter is mostly for those of you who don’t really know or care what the heck happens to me all year long but at Christmas Time you really Can’t Escape!

Well, it was a good year for my dear departed husband. Denzel Jamal just turned 50 and that means only 40 more years left on his sentence! He also completed his GED after just 3 tries!

Speaking of successful graduations, our son Remy Daniels Martell successfully completed 30 days of Rehab right before his 16th birthday! I asked him if he met any famous people while he was in there and he looked moody for a moment and then left with his friends to go pick up the 9 mm I promised him for Christmas.

Our daughter, Bane Marie hit the news last summer when she delivered a 12 lb. 9 ounce baby boy in front of the beer cooler at the Arco Quickie Mart. She and little Bubba are doing well. As soon as she gets her figure back, she and Billy Hicks plan on having a Big White Wedding at the Barbecue pit down by the lake. Everyone is welcome to come: the price of admission is a case of beer, but you know I think these young folks could use some cash so don’t be shy.

As for me, well, the Meth got my teeth this year but it sure kept my weight down. And I painted the house TWICE! Of course the Landlord didn’t care for that Orange color I picked with the purple trim even if it was off the back of a truck and dirt cheap so he made me do it over in a color that blended with the neighborhood. I guess all that graffiti does show up better against the lighter Lavender.

Well that’s all my news for this year. I’m doin’ fine trading my cash for food stamps at double the value and hitting up the Food Bank using several different ID’s courtesy of one of Denzel’s buddies on parole. He and I have a thing goin’ on but don’t any of you tell Denzel! He won't get out until he's 90 and a girls' got to have a little fun!

Have a Happy New Year and I’ll see you Next Christmas!

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