Monday, January 30, 2006

DON'T TELL TOM CRUISE

Today I found out that my cholesterol level is 248 and my triglycerides are 517. Can you say "Bony Hand of Death reaching out to STROKE me," boys and girls? Yeah, it's scary.

And my doctor put me on a bunch of new drugs, I had to tote these bottles home in my purse like a furtive bag-lady drug dealer, it was so overflowing with blister packs and sample bottles galore...and also....and also....he prescribed ZOLOFT for me. It's some indication of just how depressed I am, that I didn't even bat an eye. I didn't raise any argument whatsoever. I didn't even ask him the age old question, "DO YOU KNOW PSYCHIATRY? BECAUSE I KNOW PSYCHIATRY!!!"

I just teared up, sniffled a bit and put the drugs in my purse with the others. Because let's face it, since my life-altering 'event' last may (a mild stroke, a mini-stroke, a TIA, call it what you will) I haven't exactly been my perky, happy self. I've battled ungodly depression, as well as a debilitating ennui when attempting to do things like write coherantly, express myself using anything larger than one syllable words and the 'point-and-grunt' method of communication, and almost slept through an entire year. Oh, and gained a gargantuan amount of deadly weight.

So now I have to eat only chicken-fish-veggies for 30 days. Goodbye, goodbye, Beloved Red Vines! Goodbye Hershey's Kisses! Goodbye Toll House Cookies! And while I'm at it, Goodbye homemade foccacia bread! Goodbye white rice! Goodbye, Potato! The good news? I'm going to get my long-awaited CT-Scan. The doctor agrees it is time to find out what is making me so daft!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I believe tea goes nicely with fish, chicken and veg....

We'll bring you some nice salmon :-)

Carrol

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