Friday, January 27, 2006

A Chairless Rant

Yes, I am close personal friends with the two most beautiful beings on the planet, and yet I still have the worst computer chair. I seek a New Chair! Not just a new chair, but a new CATAGORY of chair. A Chick Chair. A Blogger Chair. It must have the tilt back, arm support, cushiony plush and padded feel of the high-toney Executive Chair, and the functional, servicable, back-supporting attributes of a Task Chair. But it must NOT be Ugly. It must NOT look like a twenty-something techie/gamer/Ikea Addict blended a space module bench with a Doctor's Office Waiting Room Seat and then stuck some MESH on it to make it 'high-tech'. It has to come in some color other than: Taupe. Black. Tan. Brown. Metallic Grey. What is wrong with pink? What is wrong with plush white? What is wrong with Martha Stewart Green? How about a Chintz Floral in a Cabbage Rose Upholstery? Or a Satin Brocade? What is WRONG with a decorative, stylish, beautiful, feminine, foo-foo chair for my computer desk?

Okay, I know I blogged about this a mere two or three days ago, but obviously I've not be able to find the chair I want. I have not vented enough about the way I Feeeeeel about this complete lack of DECORATIVE SENSIBILITY on the part of the people who design computer chairs.

So I'll just stop and show you the two most beautiful beings, here they are:
This is Mackie Manns, Childhood Terrorist With Bike. He does not sit, stand, or nap long enough for me to get him in focus! I've tried! He hears the camera make it's little pre-shutter noise and he is READY. He is going to Hunt it Down! He is going to SNURFLE it with his nose, at the very least. At the worst I fear he will grab it with his death-paws and bat it around the room in sheer glee. He wants the red light on it. I had to give up trying to shoot him from the level and just stood over him for this shot.

And the other beautiful being is Kedar: Mackie LOVES Kedar.
He used to sit as near to Kedar's Hair as possible and just purr and purr!! I think he was enamoured of the purity of Kedar's Vibe but it might have been the sandalwood oil he wore in his hair. Whatever it was, as much as Mackie loves and adores me, when Kedar would come over, I was dead meat. I was Old Mouse.

I am very dull and boring tonight. I think it is the nature of writing. I get great ideas and when I sit down they don't go onto the page. (I guess I could EMBELLISH and call it a MEMOIR.) (Snark snark to that Frey guy.)
But I will say this: I won't use this blog to talk about my WEIGHT loss program (because I don't have one) and I won't use it to talk about poopy diapers (because I don't have those either, no offense to the Mommy Bloggers) no matter how bereft of really good material I become! I will talk about those annoying paper toilet seats in public bathrooms, though, what is the point of those? The body part that makes contact with the seat of a toilet is not a particularly DANGEROUS butt part as far as infections go. I mean, wouldn't it be better to make little paper gloves in a dispenser? It's people's HANDS I worry about. They touch the dangerous stuff and then touch the SINK HANDLES to turn on/off the faucet but those germs just STAY on the handles, wet and floculating. And how many times have you carefully dried your hands, yet got them wet again when opening the door to the bathroom as you exit? Ewwww! Paper Gloves, PLEASE! I don't care if the outer part of my bottom comes into contact with the outer part of a toilet seat which has been in contact with the outer part of someone elses bottom! But save my HANDS from all those OTHER exposures.

And I'd also like to say that although I do have lots of ingredients in my cupboard of vim, vigor, and even a can of whoop-ass if I really need it, I seem to be completely lacking in that vital ingredient known as the "Weight Loss Gene." I've looked deep into the cabinetry, too, past the piss-and-vinegar, the Salt of the Earth, the Saucy Minx Mix, and there is not even so much as a pinch, a dash, an 8th of a teaspoon of the Weight Loss Ingredient. Which is why I blog with ALL my chins. I think they are here to stay.


Anonymous said...

Nice blog makeover!
Can you believe that I finally got around to really checking out threadbared dot com? Screaming with laughter late at night, I tell you, all of us!
I am soooo slow.
Off to drink gunpowder green tea. I have a new pen pal in the form of a former classmate who wears black and never talks, but writes 3-volume novel in place of regular emails. It's very amusing.
Miss Zeb

Miss Pink Ponsonby said...

Three full volume novels of more than usually vuglar sentimentality? I'm so glad you checked out threadbared! I tell you, those women are geniuses! And Funny, too!

Anonymous said...

funny thing, it's neither particularly vulgar nor sentimental, just strangely poetic, bizarre and silly all at once, with a lot of non sequiters thrown in for the "raised eyebrow-what?" effect.
Are they really coming out with a book? Like a coffee table book with pictures?