Pagan Rituals

I was recently informed by a Jehovah's Witless acquaintance of mine that Easter is a Pagan Holiday to be avoided at all costs lest I anger Jehovah and be punished.

It instantly made me run to my holiday goodies box and dig out all my little pagan statuettes of the Evil Easter Bunny, which I placed around the Pagan Tree of Eggs of Fertility and Twinkly Lights of Imitation Starlight.

And then I danced a caper and swayed and sang the Incantation Song:

Oh! here comes Peter Cottontail,

Hoppin' down the bunny trail,

Hippity hoppity,

Happy Easter day.

Here comes Peter Cottontail,

Hoppin' down the bunny trail,

Look at him stop,

And listen to him say:

"Try to do the things you should."

Maybe if you're extra good,

He'll roll lots of Easter eggs your way.

And soon, as if by Evil Pagan Magic, I will have evoked the appearance of many dozens of dyed boiled eggs and Easter Egg Shaped cookies dripping in buttercream icing.

And if I am good, very, very good, perhaps this will be the year that I catch a glimpse of the Great Bunny Himself so that I will know that all my 51 years of pagan worship have not been in vain!

You'll wake up on Easter morning

And you'll know that he was there

When you find those choc'late bunnies

That he's hiding ev'rywhere.

Oh! here comes Peter Cottontail,

Hoppin' down the bunny trail,

Hippity hoppity,

Hippity hoppity,

Happy Easter day!!!