Miss Pink Ponsonby's Swell Soiree

Summer Vacation Long Long Time Ago!

2011-05-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

Apparently, if you don't log into your blog for a while they consider that to be suspicious activity?

What if that translated into REAL LIFE? That means I should be expecting the "Clean Your House Dammit" Police to show up at my door and arrest me for breaking the inactivity laws at any moment now.

Because this apartment? Has not seen the right side of a broom, mop, dust rag, swifter, vacuum, or feather duster since the New Year.

Anyway, I was alerted that my blog was gone, and now I think I've fixed it. I had my spam filters all wrong and Lo! and Behold! I had lots of Viagra and Sex for Kittens and Lawdy Lawdy who knows what all in my comments that I had to go through and delete as Spam.

Since Father's Day is coming up in the next month, I thought I'd post a pic of me and my dad, poking around the tide pools in Maine on one of those gloriously long, lazy summer vacations that we would take.

Miss him! Miss those bygone days, too. Not that they were perfect--far from it--but that the spirits ran high and I was so connected with the Quest!

The Quest for Whatever!

A Post About Pink And Blue

2011-01-18T06:04:00.001-08:00

I love that the "I" is missing in Philco!

Recently my younger brother has been scanning all the old family slides.

Do you know what slides are, boys and girls? Well long ago before digital imaging, people had cameras that contained FILM. And they had a choice of what kind of film to buy: black and white prints, color prints, or slides.

Slides, for some reason, were the choice of my father, so boxes of slides that have been rarely seen are piled in the various bottom drawers of bureaus and dressers back home.

The reason they have been rarely seen is that you had to set up a viewing screen and a slide projector and darken the room and gather a BUNCH of people around (for some reason nobody ever just set up a slide projector for themselves) and then you had to go through the slide show at the perfect speed: too slow and people got bored, too fast and people complained that they didn't get a good look.

Nobody, at least around my house, wanted to linger long and lovingly over slides of the kids. They wanted to see the ice boats, the motorcycles, the views of Baby Mountain or Bixler Lake or the Pigeon River.

Consequently, there are entire eras of my life that I have NEVER seen depicted in pictures!

Need I say what a joyous wonderland it is to see some of these old memories made new? He's sending them to me a few at a time via email and I am savoring each one and the flush of sound, smell, color, and temperature they invoke! It's heavenly!

Which brings me now to the point of this post! It's all about the pink and the blue!

I've always loved that particular color combination. I wear it a lot, myself. And I love to see it on others and in decor. It gives me a sense of giddy happiness and a little feeling of wanting to hoard whatever it is that is sporting that color combination. But Why?

I never knew until now! When I saw this picture of me in my favorite, favorite Halloween costume! And suddenly all the Pavlovian Layers of my personality quirks and programing came crystal clear to me!

I love pink and blue and it stems from wearing this Cinderella costume night after night roaming the streets of my hometown collecting BAGS and BAGS and BAGS of free candy!

Back then, nobody knew what a sugar coma was! Nobody knew it was that bad for you! Well, they kind of knew it rotted your teeth but that was more of a warning to keep you in line, as in: "All that sugar is going to rot your teeth!" That dire warning was filed in the same category as "you will put your eye out!" and thus deemed highly improbable and therefore utterly ignored!

Oh, another one I just thought of was, "that will stunt your growth!" which was used as a warning label for smoking and drinking, neither of which I had any intention of indulging in at the tender age of 7 or 8.

But the Pink and the Blue! I loved this costume! I loved the feel of the pseudo-satin! (probably plastic combined with plant matter extruded through tubes to make it shiny) I loved the Princess mask and the gold blond hair! Years after that costume was no longer in use (and we wore our costumes year after year, believe me! We didn't get a new costume every year like they do now! You wore it until it no longer fit or couldn't be found!) I would spot it in a pile of rubbish in the upstairs and feel happy when I glimpsed it.

I wanted it and the yummy goodness that went with it!

Now I understand why pink and blue hold such happy delight for me! I associate it with childhood and holidays and lets not forget the bliss of a sugar buzz!

Prize Winner!

2011-01-15T09:53:00.001-08:00

Lookee! Lookee!!! This is what I won from Manuela over at The Pleasures of Homemaking! (thepleasuresofhomemaking.blogspot.net)

Of course it felt like it was taking forever for it to arrive when actually it arrived a little ahead of schedule!

And of course she wrapped it in TOILE tissue paper with a TOILE note card! Ooohhh this makes me so happy!

So far the book has given me several new things to think about. Making a mission statement or purpose of life statement is one of them. What really is my 'point' to it all? That's a good question to ask myself!

So far my 'new years resolutions' have confined themselves to the simple little thought of just trying to keep my nails painted. (guffaw!)

And then I had a conversation with a dear one about how she has moved so often that she only has in her apartment things that she TRULY LOVES.

This made me think. I have things I really really LIKE. And I have things that are useful but that I am not that wild about. And then I have duplicates of things (like more than 5 glass pie plates. But I bake a lot of pies. But I don't bake 5 at a time so....)

So I guess I will be embarking on that journey of asking the musical question....'is this STUFF essential for my joy, my well being, my ability to function seamlessly and with ease?' And of course those are all different categories, aren't they? Can they be blended into a cohesive whole?

So, thank you Manuela for drawing my name as the winner! Here we go...

Secret Projects

2011-01-14T11:28:00.000-08:00

I've been working on a secret project. I've had a lot of help, as usual!

I've never seen a cat as helpful as mine.

Even at the cutting table you can see the telltale sign of his tail...helping.

MOM! I'm HELPING!

A Winter's Tale

2011-01-12T09:03:00.000-08:00

Time, energy, dexterity, patience...all these factors go into making a quilt. And lately I've been short on those qualities!

But I've still wanted to do a little sewing and quilting...so decided to use up some of my stash making 'Big Block Quilts' that just showcase the fabrics I have and love.

Not too labour intensive and yet still visually pleasing when they are finished.

Here is one I made for a birthday gift! I was so pleased to see she put it on the wall!

I used my antebellum fabric stash as well as some from my Civil War collection. Fabrics were so visually appealing back in the day!

Now I'm ready to whip up a few more of these quilts because it was fun to make and only took a weekend to finish!

Flower Power!

2011-01-09T12:56:00.000-08:00

Well, the photo glitch isn't fixed--it's a known issue and they are working on it--but they do offer a simple solution to sneak around it by merely switching over to the Old Editor, uploading your photos, and then switching back to the New Editor in order to do the writing. Works for me!

TODAY!

There was sunshine and blue skies and it was no longer a cold and broken Hallelujah but rather the full-tilt, full-lilt major lift kind of Hallelujah!

I took off to enjoy the day, that is for sure.

And what better place to enjoy the day than a trip to Trader Joes?

I took flower pictures and a picture of this darling girl's PINK BOOTS !! PINK BOOTS!!!

Pink Boots with Polka Dots! If that's not a harbinger of spring I have no idea what is!

I hope your day is full of polka dots, too!

Do Less and Accomplish More: Words of Wisdom and Sloth for 2011

2011-01-08T17:56:00.000-08:00

My cousin sent me a note about summoning her inner Drill Sergeant in order to get out of bed on a cold day. It is along the lines of the thoughts I’ve been thinking about how I have to really coerce myself with brutal force to walk down some of the thorny paths I’ve had to walk down this past year.

I know I SHOULD be a better person, and I SHOULD ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ and I ‘should’ PUSH THROUGH IT to get to what’s better on the other side…except that it’s been so long since I actually did make it through to the other side, I have no actual memory of things having gotten better from all that agony, sweat, and endeavor.

Frankly, it occurs to me that nothing changes at ALL no matter HOW hard I push myself to be better, do better, live wider, etc;. I got to pondering what the hell difference it really makes anyway? My poor inner symbiote of a soul is just a tortured entity anyway. I don’t do much to nurture it or ‘feed’ it as they say. And forcing myself to be a better person all the time doesn’t seem to make my soul any happier, either!

This is what I wrote on a little scrap of paper a couple days ago. I’ve been thinking it’s a new way to live:

Explore NOT pushing through fears. Explore how that could be okay,and not have repercussions. Explore this as an anxiety treatment.

By Jove I think I’m onto something! Because the way I’ve been living: constantly having these elevated expectations of what I should be doing with my life and yet always living in a state of failure, well, that can’t be good, right? How can that be all that healthy? We seem to think we are here to grow and change and all, and I think I did plenty of it when I was younger. But now I don’t really have the will and I don’t really have a way. I have to think about how this new way of processing could be okay for me, and that it doesn’t have to turn me into a Giant Pig Sloth who is a lazy good for nothing and a non-producer! Right? Right!

Because frankly? I’m so sick of my own inner rat race! I have no problem getting the dishes done, the work day completed, etc; It's just all those inner chores of being a better person, staying on a diet, trying to embrace some new activity, pushing myself to be more social when I’m wracked with weird social anxieties: all those kinds of things are the things that I have come to realized might not make a damn bit of difference if I do them or if I don’t. It’s practically a paradigm in my thinking! What the hell difference does it make if I never conquer my fear of trolley cars? Seriously. I feel like a failure all the time anyway, so why keep pressuring myself to conquer, conquer, conquer especially when I never really do anything about any of it?

I think it’s like I live under the mistaken belief that if I push on a bruise it will heal it faster! Right! NO!!! All it does it make it hurt more often than necessary.

I think that may be the closest I get to a New Year’s Resolution this year! Explore NOT pushing through fears! Let it be Okay to DO NOTHING and not suffer huge pangs of spiritual remorse like I’m failing at my life’s plan or something. Put that on a while and wear it around and see how it feels. Better than the hair shirt I’ve been wearing for decades, that’s what I think!

That is it for me for today! Hope you have a lazy, non-productive, and non-feeling guilty about it New Year or at the very least one in which your Inner Drill Sergeant takes a long coffee break!

And here's a sneak peek at my new slacker quilt: All paisleys and made from BIG BLOCKS! Whipped it up in no time flat and just love it!

OMG I actually won something!

2011-01-05T17:34:00.000-08:00

Turns out I actually won something from a blog I read and adore:

http://www.thepleasuresofhomemaking.blogspot.com/

Too bad I can't post any picture about it. The picture uploading on this blog seems to be permanently broken. I've tried everything: it just wont let me upload pictures for the time being. It used to do this one in a while and I'd use Firefox for a time or two and then it would all work again but this time it didn't make a difference! So it's going to be boring and dry around here for a while I guess!

happy new Year everyone!

Farewell 2010! Au Revoir!

2010-12-31T19:17:00.000-08:00

And so we close down the days of 2010 and prepare to open the New Year into which we shall traverse with merry steps for at least the first two weeks.

After that, all bets are off!

Red and White, snow and hollyberries

2010-12-29T09:50:00.000-08:00

Still feel like I don't have enough RED and WHITE stuff! I am just loving the red and white this Christmas season. So I decided to whip up a little throw for the back of the sofa. My challenge was to use just what I had on hand and not buy ONE THING for this project. Heaven knows I've got enough in my fabric stash to make many a quilt...but there is always just one thing you want to add to it and the next thing you know you are at the fabric store buying lots more fabric!

So here it is. It took 2 days.

I really whipped it together. It's 8 inch squares, with machine zig-zagging all around...including the binding! I had no idea how that would work or look but I like the effect. I would like to do this with deep browns and greens, next! Use up some of that fabric stash!

A Santa Sighting!

2010-12-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to meet a friend for Sushi Lunch. It required going on the Business 80 past the Arden Mall Corridor which means MAYHEM and MADNESS on the highway.

It can take 10 minutes to merge onto the freeway and then another 15 just to get to the next exit where more people are trying to merge onto the freeway.

In the middle of all this merging the retard designers of the freeway itself have placed 2 lanes that END abruptly and you have to merge left because there is nowhere left to go.

So it's always a bottleneck and during Holiday Shopping Time it's just awful.

Yesterday, I was waiting and waiting to merge...creeping along slowly because my lane was going to END in an embankment if I didn't get over...and nobody was budging whatsoever. It's like their attitude is: I'm in a lane that works, screw you!

When suddenly, what should appear behind me but a small red vehicle being driven by...SANTA CLAUS! And he waved me right in! And I merged ahead of him and looked into my rear view mirror and sitting beside him in a bad white hair wig was MRS. CLAUS! You don't see them out for a spin together very often!

They both had Rosy Red Cheeks and Santa, who was not wearing his hat in the car, had flowing white locks and a very beautiful snowy white beard! Very real! And perched on his nose was a lovely pair of gold wire rim glasses.

It just gave me the happiest day, in that moment!

Santa is an excellant driver!

Out with the Old In With the New!

2010-12-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

Oh I love it when I get to salvage something and fix it up and make it brand new again!

Last year I managed to get bleach on my Christmas PJ's!

Out Damned Spot, OUT I say!

But they are barely worn and still so cute and the colors are bright and merry...

So I cut the good part out of the t-shirt and sewed it onto a new t-shirt and VIOLA!! I have re-made, re-tread Christmas PJ's!

Winter Blues

2010-12-15T08:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've got a case of the Winter blues! Or maybe I should say the Silver and Blues!

I have been dealing with a big flare-up of my fibromyalgia, and with that comes a good deal of depression. Work is slow right now, I'm always on the verge of homelessness anyway, and it all starts to pile up on me in ways that dry up my creativity and make me feel very, very blue.

And yet, I love these dark days of winter! I do not mind the grey, grey skies or the rainy nights. I don't mind the cold or the dreary drip-drip-drip of water falling off the trees. All that seems minor if you've grown up in the Midwest and know what REAL cold weather, gloom and winter feel like! HA!

Occasionally I like to close my eyes and imagine I am back home again in Indiana, walking the icicle streets on one of those silverthaw mornings. So I guess that is what inspired these new blue cards, which I will be using for my New Years Greeting Cards! Which is just around the corner, isn't it? New years.

Anybody want some unmounted rubber stamps? The theme is Victorian clip art. They are very cool! They are already mounted on cushion. I used these with a plastic block and double sticky tape for stamping. I'm selling the whole grab bag for 20 bucks. It's at least 40 stamps, very good quality, too! It's just time to ring out the old, ring in the new! And this year I want to pare down my 'stuff' to even more minimal stature. I've just got TOO MUCH STUFF!

I have had some fun lately: it hasn't all been pain and plodding! I got to meet a blogging heroine of mine: Kimberly Morales of "Poor Girl Eats Well" She is a local woman who creates her own recipes on the tightest of shoe-string budgets and comes up with some wonderful edibles. She lives only about 8 blocks from me and had a garage sale this last weekend. So I tracked her down and introduced myself and it was really neat and fun. Go check out her blog (on the sidebar) and she is also on Facebook.

I hope you are all having a wonderful, blessed, light and love filled pre-Christmas pre-solstice Holiday Season everybody!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas...

2010-12-01T07:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things just come together and make magic!

I love how this turned out! And it was just a fluke when I put it together.

I took my normal pitcher: because I can't live in a world without pitchers, can you? and I decided to use it for the handful of poinsettias and plastic holly that I got last year at the Dollar Tree.

And then I just decided to string some teeny white lights through them. Because teeny white lights that are twinkly but not BLINKING are very pretty and make everything look like fairyland, don't you think?

It Grows on Trees

2010-11-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you all had a wonderful, blessed and THANKS-FILLED Thanksgiving! Here are some items that are grown on trees around here. Okay not the candle. And not the beer. But the apples, pomegranates and the leaves! AND the mandarin oranges which I picked right out of the back yard!

Skeletons in the Closet...

2010-11-13T08:06:00.000-08:00

Everyone has a messy closet, at least some place in their home, and Miss Pink Ponsonby is no different!

Except she IS!

So she decided she could no longer stand for this:

And changed it to This:

Just don't look under her bed...

Left Holding the Bag!

2010-10-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

I just had a few precious days visit from my cousin full of WAY too much really good food. (silly remark! There can never be way too much good food!) and not NEARLY enough thrift store shopping!

In the course of eating way too much good food vis a vis some butternut squash soup and focaccia bread with cornmeal at Ettore Cafe, we spotted a sign that said Consigner Designer, or Designer Consigner and decided to check it out.

It is the coolest little shop filled to the gills with barely used top designer brand clothing, shoes, purses and jewelry. And nobody in there was snobbish. I find it so thought-provoking, though, to imagine a lifestyle in which a woman buys a designer t-shirt for $250.00 and then never wears it. Designer Price Tag still in place, she throws it into the 'take to the consignment shop' pile and goes on her merry way to shop some more.

I'm in the 'if it's not under $5.00 with a big stain and some holes under the armpit I can't possibly afford to even LOOK at it' variety of shopper!

Well, there is no use bemoaning the fact that Poverty knocks on my door far more often than Opportunity, and what can I do but invite it in for Tea?

What I did notice at this cute shop and all around the town as we dined and lunched, is that women are carrying the HUGEST HANDBAGS I've ever seen. They dwarf the old fashioned gigantic diaper bags by quite a mile! The bags I saw women carrying were large enough to obliterate entire bodies from view.

Now I thought my last year's Nan Satchel was a really Big Bag but after seeing what I saw, I decided it was time to make myself a REALLY BIG BAG!!!!

So I grabbed a couple of pieces of my feed sack fabric and whipped up this adorable Big Bag!

And then I made it fully reversable!

With lots of pockets of course!

SCORE!!

2010-10-05T15:24:00.000-07:00

Today, the neighbor of the lady I care for asked me if I'd like a box of fabric. Since I had just mentioned to God the other day that I would like some more fabric, I of course said a resounding YES.

I didn't even ask what I was being given.

When I got there, I was handed a huge box from a sweet smelling old cedar chest. The box was fully loaded with FEED SACKS! Beautiful, woven, 30's and 40's print feed sacks! Some still put together as bags and not opened out yet.

Most of you know that in the olden days before plastic wrap and such, flour, salt, wheat,--whatever--came in cloth sacks. Someone got the bright idea to make that fabric be printed fabric and farm wives all across the nation rejoiced.

It is quite collectible and also still quite usable. This batch I just got is in primo condition and doesn't even smell dusty. The colors are as bright as when it was brand new and full of chicken feed!

When I brought it home I took it out piece by piece and looked it over and refolded it.

In the bottom of the box was a fragment of a very old apron! SCORE!

Chicken Innards

2010-10-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

The Innards of the Chicken!

What to do, what to do? It's time to start the conveyor belts and start cranking out some Christmas presents! Early, I know, but I've learned in the past that if I want this to be FUN, I have to do it when I feel like it. And I have been feeling like it, like crazy! I just don't have enough FABRIC I need MORE and MORE.

A while ago I found some fun patterns while out thrifting, and among them was a pattern for some animal theme teapot cozies. I'd show you but I can't find the picture.

I made the chicken one today.

Now, the thing about a tea cozy is that in my world, it has to be functional! Once you have that, you can be as serious, whimsical, silly, architectural, floral, etc; as you want to be. But the thing must function as a working tea cozy!

And that means be able to hold in the heat of the teapot. So a person can sit around with a teapot at their elbow and a cup needing refilled in her hands and can get a hot cup of tea without budging from her big, lazy, comfy easy chair.

NOTE: If you drink tea from a mug using a teabag, this entire informative section is moot.

Now, this little adorable tea cozy pattern was a cinch to whip up but I noticed instantly it had a fatal design flaw! Namely, it was not INSULATED in any way! It was just meant to be decorative. Who needs a decorative tea cozy in the shape of a chicken just lying around? Well, I do,but that's not the point. The point is, I quickly had to re-engineer this little chicken so that it had some stuffing in it's innards!

I am not going to post any pictures of the final, final product because I don't want to spoil anybody's surprise or anything, but if I don't blog about my crafts between now and Christmas I'll go mad! MAD I tell you! So here is the binding being stitched onto the chicken body.

And finally, here is a LONG DISTANCE shot of the tea cozy, awaiting some eyes and a beak and the final hand-stitching of the binding.

Identity of this chicken has been disguised in order to protect the innocent.

When Live Gives You Cabbage...

2010-09-25T09:32:00.000-07:00

Well here I am with another picture of FOOD! What is up with that? Any Freudians out there want to take a stab at that?

Well, while you are concocting a mental evaluation of me, here is what I took a stab at this morning:

Cabbage Rolls!

Or at least that is what I called them. I had odds and ends and a mish-mosh of stuff in the fridge from when my lady's daughter let me empty out her fridge after she went into the 'pital with her broken hip. I had things like a half a pound of ground round, a half of a cabbage, a can of Pillsbury Bread Sticks, and a whole lot of mayo and cheese.

So here's the RECIPE for these utterly DELICIOUS if I DO SAY SO MYSELF Cabbage Rolls!

Brown and drain 1/2 lbs. Ground Round and 1/2 small Onion, diced.

In large frying pan, put finely diced cabbage with 1 cup water and 2 bouillion cubes. (I used beef this time but chicken or veggie would work just as well.)

Let the cabbage boil and simmer until tender. Add the burger/onion mix and stir it up with 1/2 cup Mayo, 1 slice swiss cheese, 1 slice medium cheddar cheese. (These cheeses were those packaged deli sandwich slices. Use whatever you have on hand.)

Cook just until the cheese is melted and the mayo is well blended.

Then, open up a can of whoop-ass. Oh no I mean open up a can of Pillsbury's Breadsticks. Don't separate them out into breadsticks, just lay the two pieces of dough out and spoon the meat/cabbage mixture onto them. Carefully roll them up and you will see the lines for where to cut once they are baked. It's totally cool like that!

Bake at 375° for 13-15 minutes until dough is golden brown. Lay on cutting board to cool before you slice them.

I carefully calculated all these ingredients and then divided by 12, since that is how many you would get when you cut them, and I came up with 216 Calories per roll.

I'll be having 2 of these for lunch with a cup of celery soup which basically has NO calories or so few that you don't have to care about it. Bone Apple Tight!

Puzzled

2010-09-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

I've had about enough football today.

Time to get out an autumn activity!

Just so I don't screw up and eat a puzzle piece instead of a pretzel.

Paper Pleasures A-Plenty

2010-09-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

Ah, mucking about with paper! I do love it!

Lately I've noticed I just cannot sit down to the television unless I have something else to do at the same time. It's like it's just not enough to hold my attention; plus I feel like it's a waste of time so I'd better be multi-tasking. After all, idle hands are the Devil's Workshop.

Earlier this week I got out my scraps of cardstock and cut them to size for fun gift tags and wee notes. I made sure that the darker papers had a nice white lining.

Then last night I sat and made oodles of decorative hand-made gift cards. Mind you, I don't use them myself on gifts, I GIVE them as gifts.

Because, as a gift-giver, who wouldn't love a stack of ready-made labels on hand to put on a present?

In this way I get to use up tons of scraps AND make something creative that doesn't take a huge amount of planning or fussing.

Fortunately, Mackie was asleep or outdoors or something during this crafting mela, because he just HAS to stick his nose in stuff and whatever it is, try and LAY on it!

He's so damn cute!

HOWEVER, I had to give up on making this apron for a friend because, obviously, he kept lying on the fabric anytime I tried to lay it out and pin the pattern to it. This is why I never had a 2 year old! All my imaginary children were adorable infants and then instantly 3 years old and talking.

Strawberry Fields Forever

2010-09-10T14:53:00.000-07:00

Everyone asked what I'd done over the Labor day weekend and I had to say I didn't do much: no funds for such amusements as the local R&B festival or Pioneer Days down in Old Sac.

In fact all I had funds for gasoline for my car. And it's a happy thing that I did go out and do just that because standing across from me at the pumps was a kindly gentleman who just finished his morning selling strawberries at the farmer's market...

Which he just GAVE me out of the back of his truck!

And when life gives you strawberries, you make jam!

All cleaned up and ready to go.

Bile them strawberries down, gals, bile them strawberries down!

Testing with an ice cube for consistancy. I never let it cook long enough, though! I always end up with runny jam.

Three jars at a time in my handy dandy too-small pot!

Never too early to get started on home-made Christmas presents.

However, I seriously doubt if anyone is going to want my pickled cauliflower. Guess I'll just have to keep it for myself.

And afterwards: Grilled Tuna in ginger sauce and a freshly-shaved parmeson cheese Caesar salad.

A Thrifty Surprise

2010-09-03T18:45:00.000-07:00

I finally put up the plates I got at the thrift store the last time I was there.

I love that blend of creamy white on white.

And today I had to go to the DMV for a licence renewal and since it's only a few blocks over from the thrift store I went again! This time I spent under a dollar. I just saw two patterns I could use so I got them.

29 cents for a pattern, I just love it! If only fabric was as inexpensive!

But WAIT! There's MORE!

When I got home and peeked inside the envelope to see if the pieces were all there (something I usually do before I buy them but for some reason I just didn't bother today) I noticed that the previous owner had left some of her work behind!

The yoke had been pinned cut out of this cute blue with white daisies and red ladybugs fabric! And then carefully folded and stuck back into the pattern envelope. It was just a neat surprise, I thought.

In a Pickle!

2010-08-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

I got a little goodie packet from an aunt the other day which had this wonderful old shabby white relish dish in it that she picked up for a quarter at a garage sale in the midwest where such things are still possible, and tucked in with the dish was a jar of her home made bread and butter pickles.

Which I opened and ate in less than an hour! SO delicious and there's no way to describe how perfect that blend of salty and sweet is to someone who's never tasted them. The closest I could come up with was to say they taste similar to the Japanese cucumber salad you get in the sushi bar.

(People in California can relate to that. They can't seem to relate to being able to eat a whole jar of pickles at one setting. That's because they are thinking Vlasic Dills, or those limp, lifeless things they put on your cheeseburger at McD's.

These pickles are like a salad. A jar is about a 2 portion salad, but since I'm a hog I can eat two portions standing up while digging in the fridge for more stuff to munch. I'm just saying, is all.

Anyway, I decided to make a batch of my own so I went to the co-op and bought a likely amount of pickling cucumbers, 5 jars and the rest of the ingredients I didn't have on hand. On hand were vinegar, sugar and kosher salt aplenty.

Beautiful! They even still had the blossoms on the ends! No oiled up cukes from Paraguay, here!

I put this picture in to show my awesome knife. It's so you know I mean BUSINESS as a slicer-dicer person.

I'm pretty sure I overdid it with the salt. Isn't this beautiful though? That's my giant deep bread dough bowl. And it was just at this brining point that I realized from eyeballing these cukes that the 5 jars I had weren't going to be enough!

So I was off to the co-op again where I discovered they had their cans on sale at the moment and I got a dozen for $9.99. Which is good because the pickles were expensive! Those water-logged suckers weigh a TON. Buying produce to can it in order to save money is really a myth! You must grow your own if you are doing it for budget reasons. I'm doing it for gluttony reasons and because you can't get bread and butter pickles that taste like these unless you make them from scratch.

Back from the store and these are beautiful and starting to look like pickles. They were in the salt for 2 hours and I rinsed them very well because I could tell I'd overdone it.

20 minutes boiling the pickles and onion in the vinegar, sugar, turmeric, mustard seed and celery seed sauce. YUM!

This is where I sure wish I had a helper, a bigger stove, a bigger kitchen, and a real canner not just a pretend one. Oh, and a jar grabber and a canning funnel, too! I made do with tongs and burned fingers.

Keeping with the myth that I do things effortlessly with nary a spill or a disaster in the kitchen (LOL-not!) I carefully edited the part where the stuff slopped all over the counter, the jars got knocked over and had to be re-sterilized, and the sink was so full of sticky syrup pans and utensils that I didnt even have room to put WATER in there for washing them, and am now leaving you with this cool picture of my 9 jars of bread and butter pickles, the one jar of leftover syrup/sauce that I couldn't really bring myself to throw out, and the 2 jars of quickie-refrigerator anti-pasta pickles I made out of King Kale and some cauliflour I had on hand and threw in after the pickles were done, and which I've already eaten because I couldn't wait.

Taking into consideration all purchases and that I had to buy my own jars, I figure it cost me about $4.00 a jar for these bread and butter pickles. Really crappy ones cost that much right now at the store, and these are..well...

Priceless!

Poor Nelly!

2010-06-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

I had planned on getting up early this morning and going to the farmer’s market and having a quiet morning. But alas it was not to be, because I overslept by several hours due to lack of a good night’s sleep the night before.

Last night at 3:15am I heard a commotion in the parking lot of the church. It woke me up but it didn’t sound dangerous so I tried to go back to sleep. But soon I realized I had to get up and check out the scene: I heard women screeching and one of them said, ‘put away that knife!’ so I thought I’d better drag myself over to the window.

Well, the upshot of the deal is that either some guy was trying to rob another guy and these two women intervened, or it was just a drunken knife fight, but by the time I got to the window, somehow one of the women had gotten a face full of pepper spray and was flat out on the ground and the two would-be assailants had high-tailed it out of there to finish their scuffle in peace and quiet and a little privacy.

That left Miss Eggplant (wearing a shimmering purple eggplant dress) who was big and had wild big hair and a loud aggressive voice and a commanding personality, down on the ground rocking and screaming and barking orders at the poor stunned Miss Nelly, who was dressed in what I would swear was hooker garb except they were in the church parking lot so maybe it was just a dress- up evangelical occasion, flailing about gasping for air and in a lot of pepper-spray pain.

There were lots of bystanders trying to help, but Miss Eggplant was running the show. “KEEP BREATHING, NELLY!” she would scream and rock this woman until she must have been addled from the shaking. She forced Miss Nelly to take a hit from her asthma pipe or whatever those things are called—inhaler, that’s it—which then caused Miss Nelly to go totally unconscious or else slip into a fit, I’m not sure, because then Miss Eggplant was screaming, “She’s stopped Breathing! She’s going into Convulsions!” all the while bossing everyone around telling them to call 911, etc;

Pretty soon here came the fireman with their giant truck a-blazin’ lights and diesel fuel, and you could see they washed her face down and then told her she wasn’t having an asthma attack, it was just a little pepper spray and she was going to be all right.

They asked Miss Eggplant to let go of Nelly so they could check her over and Miss Eggplant refused. So they had to fix up Nelly while Eggy was screeching and bossing and commanding the show. At one point she said, “She is signing to you in sign language! It’s because that’s all she knows right now! She can’t talk because of the pepper spray!”

I don’t know, that just made me laugh. It would take a Miss Eggplant to interpret helpless waiving gestures as SIGN LANGUAGE.

I tell you what, I think it was her pepper spray, if you ask me. Nobody asked them any of those kinds of questions but I would bet money on it.

Poor Nelly! Here comes the cops and they took Eggy aside and I could rather hear her talking about a knife and some pepper spray and her asthma inhaler but just at that time a car came tearing up onto Capitol Avenue and out of the driver side jumped a GIANT GRIZZLY BEAR of a man dressed all in white like a plantation owner, or possibly a summer pimp, and it appears that he is married to poor Nelly, because he’s suddenly screaming and wailing, “How did this happen? How did this happen? My Wife! My Wife!” and yet he never got anywhere near her, he just stomped and paced around the giant parking lot Flinging his arms wide in those aggressive/fear gestures you see people do who are under extreme emotion and want you out of their body space.

The police told him to park his car properly, and he did, but then he came right back out again and started rampaging around the parking lot repeating, “how did this happen? How did this happen?”

Meanwhile, Miss Eggplant has told her tale to the cops, the fireman have bundled poor Nelly into the back of Eggy’s car and just LEFT her there, and they all gathered around at the far end of the parking lot and proceeded to laugh and exchange war stories. This went on for at least 15 minutes before they all departed, along with the cops. I wanted to call down to the cops at that point that they might want to try to rein in the emotional Giant Husband but I decided to just keep out of it.

So now, act III: We’ve got poor Nell passed out or just stunned and silent in the backseat of the car with nobody around to hold her or comfort her, we’ve got her husband flailing around violently and stomping up and down freaking out, we’ve got Miss Eggplant now trying to corral him by telling him to go to his wife and hold her.

He was having no part of that suggestion, though! He enacted quite a fierce drama for at least another 15 minutes until Miss Eggplant was able to prevail upon him to get in the back seat of her car and attend to his wife. He would go over to the car and look at her in the back seat and then fling himself away in sheer agony and stomp around the parking lot some more. It was so touching I wish I had a husband who would so thoroughly neglect me like that in a crisis!I just wished so heartily to hear the words, “WOE IS ME!!” come out of his tortured lips.

He finally decided he was going to drive off in his car, still saying “HOW did this HAPPEN???” but Miss Eggplant had determined otherwise. She dragged, cajoled, ordered, coerced and basically muscled the husband to get into her car so she could drive them all somewhere safe and sound.

So the dude gets into the front seat of the car! This will not do for Eggy! She DRAGS the husband by the arm OUT of the passenger seat and basically tries to fold him like a tortilla into her back seat.

Poor Nell, it seems, is sprawled out across the seat so there really isn’t room for the big giant Husband so they all start yelling at Nell to SHOVE OVER! MOVE OVER, NELL! And that poor half-sick, half-unconscious woman had to sit up and drag herself over in the seat so her husband could get in back with her.

There were two other church dudes there, small bit players who helped corral and contain the husband, and one of them offered to drive his car to their destination. But first we had to have the husband, still overcome by the reality of a maced spousal unit confronting him, get back OUT OF THE CAR and start pacing around and rampaging in the parking lot some more. Apparently his grief was too strong to be confined to the mere back seat of a car!

I was seriously praying for this to all end in a big Bang of dramatic Flair: perhaps the husband could throw himself down in front of the car and beg to be run over and put out of his misery? Perhaps he could start beating his head against the brick wall of the church until he bludgeoned himself unconscious? Perhaps Nell would snap out of it and pepper spray her husband to shut him up?

Finally, finally, the husband got into the back seat of the car, Miss Eggplant drove out of there and the extra dudes went in hubby’s car and all was quiet in the parking lot again.

And that was why I overslept because I sat up watching Live Theatre out my living room window on a Saturday night.

Farmers Market Sunday Stroll

2010-06-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, it's summer! And that means time for the Sunday Market!

Sacramento has some of the loveliest farmers markets; there is one almost every day of the week.

The Sunday market is the largest and has unique things like organic chicken, seafood vendors, goat cheese farmers and a couple of lavender farmers.

I love to get up super early before the crowds hit, and wander through the stalls as the vendors finish their set-up. Well, maybe not THAT early. I think they must get there at 5:00 am!

I bought some new bok choy, fresh dill, fresh cilantro, and something called 'apriums'. Which is a blend of an apricot and a plum.

Ahhh, the bounties of nature! I'm so happy.

Thrift Store Finds!

2010-04-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

I know that it's time for spring fever when I hit the thrift stores and come home with table napkins, bed linens and fabrics to make summer skirts!

The first thing was this awesome pink floral bedspread. I know, I know, it's no longer chic to be shabby, but I had to have it: the colors were so soft and muted and it just looked like a cottage summer to me. Okay, nothing else in the room matches, but that's just because I threw it on the bed really quickly so I could snap the picture.

Here is the close-up. AND! It only cost $2.99.

Here are the rest of my finds. SOME of these things were purchased with future birthday presents in mind. However, I love all of it too much to part with any of it, so I know that the intended recipients know that I love them SO much, I just had to keep these for myself because I know they would WANT me to have them, because they love ME so much.

Ha ha!

On the left is a set of perfect, pristine table napkins and one place mat with the Cost Plus sticker still on them; my favorite store. The place mat was .99 and the napkins were $1.99 for all 4. Next is the awesome animal tea cozy pattern for a mere 27 cents. And behind it a gorgeous set of pillowcases soon to be made into a skirt for a friend. 25 cents!

Next a king sized pink sheet, brand new, for .99 which I will use for linings and such for various sewing projects.

You can never have too much pink. Pink is my sign!

Next, a set of pillow shams in a rich upholstery fabric, very good quality for 69 cents for the pair. SCORE! The deeper double pink fabric to the bottom right is another set of pillow cases, to be made into a skirt for me for 69 cents.

I also picked up this GIANT pillow sham in Hawaiian Fabric. I don't know what I will do with it, but the fabric is very good quality and who knows?

Maybe I'll make myself a muumuu.

Finally, when I got home from all this fun thrifting, I saw that the neighbors across the street were having a yard sale so I popped over there and picked up that butterscotch purse. It's real leather, still had the original paper wadding inside, and had never been used. The girl said she liked it in the store but there are always more purses to be had, so she was selling it. For $5.00! That's right five bucks!

So my entire thrifting day cost me less than 10 bucks.

And I'm all lined up with sewing projects galore!

Spring Soap

2010-04-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

Well, it's time for soapmaking. A few weeks ago I made THESE:

and last night I wrapped them so now they look like THIS:

Bwa-la!

What's in your Candy Dish?

2010-04-10T16:07:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted one of those play-tiaras. Almost as much as I wanted those plastic play high heels when I was about 3. Well the other day I indulged myself at the grocery store and got myself a wand, a tiara, a magical ring and a hair clippee.

Mackie has been really helpful as I make my spring aprons.

Old Fashioned Cream Pie

2010-01-30T15:13:00.000-08:00

Ahh, Old Fashioned Cream Pie!

It's not a custard pie. It's just heavy cream, sugar, flour, a dash of vanilla and some nutmeg. No egg. It's delicious...and not anything you can buy in the stores or order at a restaurant.

I've been working on a few things, nothing worth photographing and blogging about, though. I did get a baby quilt finished, and if you only looked at the TOP you'd think it was a spanking job! However, the back looks like someone accordian pleated it before quilting. That someone being ME. Try as I might, I always get some kind of pucker in the back.

Its a very sunshiney pinky quilt for a baby girl, I thought.

Lastly: Pernell Roberts.

I had to watch a Ponderosa-load of old Bonanza Reruns this week. Adam was my first TV-Love, and he will be missed.

O Pioneer!

2010-01-17T10:54:00.000-08:00

There is an old John Denver song called, "Late Winter, Early Spring (When Everyone Goes to Mexico)" that I have always particularly loved. Because it reminds me of that gap of time between the end of the holidays and the springing forth of the Spring. Which, where Im from in Indiana, can take as much as 5 months.

So a person must find something to DO. A nice long PROJECT of some sort.

And thus you find me attempting to assemble, at last, the quilt frame I was given last summer, and getting a quilt into the frame.

NOT a one-man project by any means.

Unless you are a pro wrestler of giant, tall, skinny stick-men.

I just envisioned myself, sitting before the bright light of the window, in these early months of the year, quilting away to my hearts content, happy at last to be working on the quilt that it has taken me 10 years to complete.

But it appears that Fate has intervened.

This nifty little knob assembly that keeps the quilt tightly in it's frame happens to be missing on the 4th end of the quilt frame. Rendering it utterly useless.

Yes, I shall order the replacement knob, perhaps. But the frame has other issues, mainly that the rods are not long enough and I'm going to have to rig up some extensions. And thats' just a lot of hard work. So I guess I'll have to let it go, the idea of quilting before the window like a Pioneer of Old, and resort instead to my oval lap frame.

Which is fine with me. I just wish I could have gone to Mexico, instead.

Finished!

2010-01-11T11:35:00.000-08:00

First, I felt like my bedroom was dingy and dull and boring. So a quick swap-out of quilts and here's the before and after:

Much warmer for this long winter, I think.

And I finally finished up my Christmas quilt. It definitely looks like I hurried. I had all kinds of trouble with it and I'm just glad it's done. I took it to work to show my 98 year old today and she liked it very much...however, she said, "All these chimneys and not a Santa in sight!"

And I had to agree. So as soon as I find some appropriate Santa Fabric I will be appliqueing one or two on a rooftop here and there.

I also happen to think the back looks as good as the front! Fun, anyway! Happy January, folks, from we here at the "Still celebrating Christmas" Cafe!

*Oh, and PS: Anonymous in the Brown Coat: Of course I knew who it was right away! Are you still dog-sledding in Alaska? Drop me an email sometime and tell me how you found my blog!

2009-12-31T21:23:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!!!

Yes, I still Live and all that. Just been busy working and playing Yoville. It's so addicting havin that little avatar running around everywhere!

Here's a Mackie pic and my latest quilt project!!!

Mackie loved 'his' Christmas Cactus. He ate tons of it, and then promptly puked up a piece of tinsel. I thought it was magic! The magic of Christmas!

Yes, I have two Trees. It's the Ponsonby Way.

It took roughly 4 hours to draft this first block. The old grey brain cells, they aint what they used to be!!!

But then it took only 5 more hours to make ALL of these. I'll keep you posted on this project. I just felt the need for a Christmas Quilt to be done by next year, hopefully!

Look what Santa baby brought me! A Sony Bravia HDTV

End of October Cards

2009-10-31T16:01:00.000-07:00

Well, It's the end of October

and I made some cards.

That's about all there is to say about that.

Autumn Sonata

2009-10-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

What a piece of Heaven is this:

Autumn is bliss

Autumn is bliss!

There, that's my sonata!

And this is my latest...Dutch Apple Pie....served with a giant helping of Jigsaw Puzzle.

I love this life!

Poverty Cooking 101.1

2009-10-24T14:40:00.000-07:00

When life gives you celery...

Make Celeryade! Otherwise known as cream of celery soup.

1 head of celery
1 cup heavy cream
1 can chicken broth
2 T. pesto in a jar
1 small mild onion
Shredded Parmesan to garnish.

Dice up the onion and the celery. Food process it until it's mushy. Put it on the stove with the cream and the chicken broth and the pesto.

Simmer for 30 minutes or more until it thickens.

Garnish with the Parmesan! The pesto adds all the flavor and spice you need and the Parmesan takes care of the rest.
***

Squeeze Me Jesus! I Baked an Apple Pie!

2009-10-14T15:49:00.000-07:00

I know you aren't supposed to supplicate unto the Lord and beg for the ability to bake a pie, but I did it anyway.

I didn't crimp the edges well enough, I guess, so it kind of oozed out the sides instead of the slits on top but at least it BAKED without burning to a crisp and at least the pie dough behaved like it's supposed to!

Also thanks to Aunties Cookieman and B. for sending me Gramma's 'never fail pie dough' with egg in a cup.

Food Failure 101

2009-10-12T20:38:00.000-07:00

I'm a failure at food, I've finally admitted it out loud! I have high hopes but the outcome is a dismal failure more often than not.

What with all the excitement of fall in the air and the apple season in full swing, I just wanted to make an apple cobbler...I've made many of them from this recipe, they always turn out different but very delicious. But this time the dough portion did not rise and I just had apple lumps in a dish.

This was supposed to be delicious, delightful hand-made Maple Buns, just like they have at the apple festival every year back home.

But the chocolate was too runny and the maple fondant was too stiff and the whole thing tasted like soured cream cheese because maybe the cream cheese was a little off...

I just admit these things so you know that even the happiest of Julie Child Wannabees has her BAD days...

Bon Apetit! Just don't eat anything I've prepared!!!!

Pumpkin Festival

2009-10-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

I went to the Pumpkin Festival in Elk Grove and it was really fun. I love the autumn festivals...they are so warm and quirky.

That scary thing behind me is a giant white pumpkin. I was pretty sure they had it fenced in so that if it HATCHED or started to move in any way, there would be a containment field.

These are the ones that were the 'runners up' in the Biggest Pumpkin Contest.

This is a pumpkin at the carving station.

Not much to say in this post except "Happy Harvest, everyone!"

Flying Saucer Days

2009-10-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

I was driving down the highway this morning when a plain white paper plate flew out of a wetback's truck and wafted past me on a freeway wind.

Last night Patrick had asked me down to the river to see this 90 foot boat that had come upriver to dock at Old Sac. The pictures don't do it justice: it truly was a lovely ship! Very similar in look and feel to the one that Goldie Hawn has in the old movie Overboard. White and large and needing a real crew to sail her. And she came all the way from Bikini in the Marshall Islands.

It gave me that sea-faring feeling...the one of longing to see the Southern Cross and to sleep out under an entirely different set of constellations in the middle of the ocean.

Right now for 5 bucks you can sponsor a rubber duck that will be tossed off the I street bridge with 5000 other rubber ducks and then somehow be scooped up once it reaches the Capitol Bridge, a few feet downriver from whence it started. And if your duck gets there first, it wins a prize. All the proceeds go to fund something for the Special Olympics.

I was surprised they would let something like that happen, in this day and age. They would call it littering and a public nuisance and a bio-hazard if one of those little duckies escaped the nets and headed for the open waters of the Pacific. Neither Patrick nor I can see how they can guarantee that all those ducks will make it downriver. We fully expect the little inlets and docks along the way to have a stray rubber ducky or two floating in to land, beached and belly-up, with the tide.

I hope some of them escape. I hope at least one makes it all the way to Bikini, M. I.

Today, with a severe headache and at absolutely zero on the energy scale, I saw that paper plate come flying past me and I remembered:

I remember when you were allowed to toss bottles into oceans and throw rubber duckies into the cricks and rivers and set them free.

I remember being a wee tot and being told that it was 'Flying Saucer Days' and what a BIG event that was!

All the merchants of the town got together and put their names on paper plates with coupons for free things like ice cream and shoelaces. And at a certain time a local pilot would fly over the town and release all 5000 of them and we were allowed to run and chase them and pick them up and claim our prizes.

I'm pretty sure I won a free ice cream cone and maybe a buck or two, redeemable at the local bank.

For most of my childhood, at least, the sight of a paper plate windblown up against a barbed wire fence down some dirt road gave me a feeling of hope and expectation. Like finding an Easter Egg someone had forgotten about.

Nowadays, a paper plate is just a paper plate. But can you remember when...?

October At Last

2009-10-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

It's finally October! My favorite month of the year! To celebrate I will show a picture of...what else? FOOD! This is what I ate from the Greek Festival this last weekend. Stuffed Grape Leaves (dolmas) and greek salad Gazpacho. It was truly delicious! Opa!!!

I love October because it is my birthday month. I'll be 53 on Oct. 17th and that makes me pretty happy.

However, I took the "Real Age" quiz online last night and discovered that I'm actually 70 years old. I kid you not! What a scary blow! Of course I've learned from past experience that fear, shame and scary blows have absolutely NO EFFECT on whether or not I lose weight or get healthier. At this point it would probably take a Dr. Phil Intervention.

In the meantime, here's the house all spruced up for Autumn.

Sex and a Sandwich

2009-09-27T17:09:00.000-07:00

At Trader Joes, where food is complex and worthwhile and the bags are smashing!

A married friend recently told me that men cannot stand how complicated women make things. She maintains that men are very simple, have simple needs, and don't like to be all psychological about things.

"What men want", she said, "Is sex and a sandwich."

However, I think this is not entirely true, as SPORTS are the most uselessly complicated hot mess of nothingness I've ever run across and yet men are totally obsessed with it.

At least if I'm cooking, sewing, quilting or crafting, the end result of all that mayhem and complication is a TANGIBLE OBJECT...whereas sports just wrap you up emotionally for a couple of hours and then POOF; nothing.

Think about it: all that endless replaying of moves and analysis of the plays? ...that seems pretty darn nit-picky and complicated to ME so I'm not buying it that men are so simple and just like things simple. The bottom line really should be stated to be that men just don't like what WOMEN want to be complex about!

So, here is a grilled chicken panini with a side of peach mango relish. Complications be damned!

People Are People Wherever You Go

2009-09-21T13:55:00.000-07:00

I had to pop over to the Co-op a bit ago and when I came out, I couldn't find my car. I just headed off into the parking lot, but had no recollection of where I had parked. (Can you say 'fibro-fog' boys and girls? Fibro-Fog.)

I stood there a moment or two and scanned the horizon and then turned back around and headed over in the other direction.

I could see the security guard standing under the shade tree in the front of the lot so I bopped over to him for no other reason than to tell him I'd lost my car and make a conversation about it.

It's just one of those things you have to TELL somebody about, in my case so that I don't end up just talking out loud to myself in the parking lot.

"Hey! I've lost my car!" I said to him.
"Well, it's a small parking lot. It's bound to turn up sooner rather than later if you keep looking!" He grinned.
"Well, I think you are right! Because you are standing right in front of it!" I told him.
He laughed so hard at me this really tickled the both of us.

This is why my need to talk to total strangers pays off more often than not, I'll tell you!

"I'll tell you another secret," he said, aprapos of nothing, "The cars in this parking lot that are parked in the shade are the best guarded cars around!"

Mood Swings and Secrets

2009-09-20T20:07:00.000-07:00

Pre-sunburn

Well, I've just been having so much fun there hasn't been a moment to indulge in blogging!

I got to go down to Stockton this weekend and see my lovely cousin and her husband, whom I have not seen in over 5 years. It was emotional and fun, and just a very, very fulfilling couple of days!

They work for a fishing tournament company, and are usually on the east coast, but got to come west just this one time..so this was my first opportunity to tag along and see all the sights and delights of the bass fishing tournament world!

During the morning, the teams of fisherman are out on the Delta catching bass, but later in the day they drive their trucks and boat trailers back to the tournament site and have their fish weighed. They get to be up on stage and are interviewed for the weigh in.

Apparently there is much hoopla over the secret tips and tactics of the successful fishermen. And so each person interviewed was asked, in one form or another, "without giving away too many secrets, how did you manage to catch such a big fish?" Sometimes they were asked different questions, like how they got into fishing, or how their family supported their particular hobby, or how they liked their teammate, etc; And the answer was ALWAYS some variation of: "Well, I don't want to give away any of my secrets, but..."

They all fish with a partner in the boat, and its someone they don't know so that they are there to keep the fisherman honest. I don't know how that works, what with having to keep your fishing secrets safe while in the same boat with a stranger who had his own fishing secrets to keep, but somehow they manage.

I suspect the secret is they load up on beer and just catch the fish without any secrets at all.

One of the questions, then, that the interviewer will ask is, "How did you like fishing with this guy?" And of course the answer is something along the lines of, "Well, he didn't steal any of my secrets and he was a good fishing buddy."

One young fella had us all in hysterics, though, when he was asked that question. Because his reply was so psychological he took us all off guard!

Announcer: So, without giving away any secrets, how was it fishing with this guy, here?

Fisherman: Well, he has mood swings. First, he'll be all happy and upbeat, and then later he'll be all down and depressed.

It was so unexpected that I was bent over laughing. We managed to make that remark the tag line for the rest of the weekend.

There are more tales to tell but I'll have to tell them another day! It's the mood swings, you know!

No secrets among friends

The Wise Oracle

2009-09-14T13:55:00.001-07:00

Just for the halibut I did a quickie, free tarot reading online. My question was....

Will I meet a new love?

The card drawn was:

The Hermit.

I guess that answers that question.

Wisdom of the Elderly

2009-09-13T08:57:00.000-07:00

I've had this really, really irritating squeak in my dashboard for some time now. It's especially noticable on the freeway. That car--now 9 years old--has been a gem of stability, but it hasn't been holding up well lately.

Little things. Like the plastic casing around the seat belt broke off, and now I have to touch boiling hot bare metal in order to fasten my seat belt or release it.

I can't very well justify buying a brand new car just because of a little inconvenience like that, though. Even if it needs a new paint job, the windows don't roll down anymore, and it's started to get that little wet dust smell you find in really old cars.

The squeak, though, might just send me over the edge. I have to drive with one of my fingers pressing down on the dashboard, as that slight bit of compression seems to take care of it.

I was driving Miss Daisy somewhere this week, and she said that noise was just about the most annoying thing she'd ever heard.

"You know what I'd do to fix that?" she asked, "I'd wedge a piece of paper up in there and that will take care of it."

So I tried it and it DID!

Minor TV Personality

2009-09-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

Well! I did it! I managed to make it through my TV appearance without saying or doing anything stupid! Whew! What a big relief!

It was pretty exciting to go to the Fox 40 studios. It's been about 45 years since I was in a television studio and obviously things have changed: we have computers now, and...electricity.

What surprised me is just how dark and silent the studio is while the news is being aired live. Everything is on monitors and on the laptops of the newscasters, and the rest of the room is dark and silent. The cameramen, editors, etc; all whisper and creep about in the dark. It was cool.

The kitchen was not in a separate room, but just along the back behind the anchors. So we had to creep in quietly and set up our display, etc; It became quickly apparent that there would be no way to pull my muffins out of the oven and make a big show of them being piping hot and all that so we just ditched that idea and set them on the table with the rest of the goodies.

The news is over at 8:55 in the morning and then we did our 5 minute segment and then basically those guys are done for the day! It's a Wrap! So they hung out with us and talked and ate our food, which I LOVED! My cousin M. Jean had been on TV once, featuring her hand-made antique boxes, and although the guy interviewing her for the piece ranted and raved during the segment, the moment it was over he took off his mike and booked...leaving her feeling a little bereft. She later wondered if he liked her items at all or if it was just for show!

There was no doubt about that in my case. We talked about food and family and care giving, AFTER the cameras had stopped rolling. It was so awesome!

The man who did the segment is Paul Robins...a very semi-famous local dude who was part of a morning radio team Phil and Paul in The Morning before coming to do the morning news on Fox 40 here in Sacramento.

He's a professional--at ease and in his element--but you don't get the impression that he's being professional, you get the impression that he's hanging out having a GREAT time and you should just hang out with him. It was so much fun!

Right before they filmed us, they brought us the mikes. I told them, 'Don't mike me! I don't want to have to talk!" Paul told me, "Don't be nervous!"

I responded with, "I'm not nervous! I just don't want to TALK! I'll screw up!"

Paul said, "Oh, if you've ever watched this show you'll know we are very good at screwing up! It happens all the time!"

My boss kept telling me, "Don't curse. Don't talk about the health care plan. Don't say I'm an idiot or a bad boss..." I told him, "OMIGOSH stop telling me what NOT to say! I'll IMPRINT on that and just blurt out everything all in one babbling tirade....

"These muffins are great how in the HELL can we justify how expensive this war is and yet not be willing to pay for health care for our own citizens my boss SUCKS and these muffins taste like SHIT and SHINOLA!"

You can see how FRAUGHT this was! Boss Man finally said, "Just relax and be yourself."

I looked at him with real pity, then. I patted him on the arm and in my most sincere, deadpan yet compassionate voice said, "No, Buck, that's exactly what you DON'T want me to be."

He took that in, shook his head in agreement and said, "I think you're right. You'd be up on this kitchen island SINGING and DANCING in the RAIN."

A Wrench in the Works

2009-09-09T15:27:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad there is all this attention out there about the Beatles. I love the Beatles! I'd get that new Beatles Game in a heartbeat! If I had a heartbeat. Which I don't.

Because I'm a zombie. A Test Kitchen Zombie.

Here's what is happening with me:

I've been working 12 hour overnight shifts. Now, these are called 'sleeping shifts' meaning that I'm guaranteed 6-8 hours of sleep during that 12 hours. It pays a flat rate and is much, much less than my normal hourly wage, but if it works, it's like free money: money while you sleep.

Unless the person you are caring for rings her little bell every flappin' 20 minutes throughout the night wanting her hair brushed, her sheets straightened, help transferring to the potty, etc; Then it's like Night Hell. And then when the 12 hours are over and you have to go do your NORMAL work shift and your NORMAL daily activities, it becomes DAY HELL...all blended together into a sort of zombie fog.

An Example: My doorbell rang yesterday just as I lay down for what I thought might be some catch-up sleep. It was my neighbor and he asked me if I had a wrench he could borrow.

And I could not for the life of me figure out what he meant by a wrench. My mind conjured up NO picture, and NO symbols and no definition of that word. Floating in the distance was a vague awareness that it might be a tool of some kind.

That's just how tired I am. And last night was the same only less sleep so today I was just longing to crawl into bed and remain there for the entire day.

Except when I went to my car to drive home, it wouldn't start. Dead Battery. I had to call AAA and have them deliver and install a new one for me, thereby wiping out my entire life savings and all my petty cash.

Good Times.

I made it home at last, closed the door behind me and relaxed on the bed thinking...Ahhhhh...when the phone rang and it was the Big Boss reminding me that on Friday we are going to be on TV doing a cooking segment.

And would I mind whipping up a few recipes and getting together a presentation and all that before tomorrow morning?

He had a few ideas and some guidelines (this is food for seniors, after all, and thus needs to take into account special dietary needs like low sodium, etc;) and then with perfect confidance that I was the girl for the task, he hung up the phone leaving me a jibbering idiot of fear.

And thus I whipped up these totally imaginary, utterly delicious, thoroughly sleep-deprived Zombie Pecan Muffins.

Anyone living in the Sacramento Fox 40 broadcast area can see me, the writer behind Miss Pink Ponsonby's Swell Soiree, on Sept. 11th, Friday morning, 8:55 am on Fox 40.

It will be a 10 minute presentation, and I've begged my boss not to let them mike me. He can make me go but he can't make me talk! Because I'll start babbling about wrenches, I just KNOW it!

Pushing the Season

2009-09-07T10:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's only Labor Day weekend, but I am really in the mood for fall, now! I think I'm always pushing the season when it comes to the end of summer.

I had to dig out the fall-leaf table cloth and the vase of fake leaves!

Brie? Brie? Brie? Brie? Brie? Brie? Brie? Brie?

2009-09-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

At the River on Friday

Well, where have I been, you ask? Working, entertaining, working, sleeping, not-sleeping...

Last week I was given the treat of attending a local production of CATS with one of my ladies and her friends and family. Lots of pictures were taken but not by me, and although people always promise to post the pics or email them to you...they never seem to arrive! So until then, I'll hold off on writing a funny blog about that day!

This weekend I went with a fellow caregiver and 7 friends to the Elk Grove/Laguna Comedy Under the Stars Event. I haven't laughed that hard in years! The comics were great, of course, but the laughter came from the people we were with.

This event is held in the park where there is a nifty amphitheater. Everyone brings blankets or low beach chairs (no high-back lawn chairs allowed) and lots and lots to eat and drink. The lady, Bee, who had organized getting the tickets for us was the Hostess with the Mostest! We were sitting in a semi-circle around her copious cooler and she spent her time opening it and bringing out treat after treat. Wine, dessert wine, prosciutto, cheese, shrimp, more cheese...it was awesome and fun and so gourmet.

But the funny part is that even though all eyes were upon her like little trained circus dogs waiting to have a tidbit popped into our mouths, she would take out a food item and politely ask each and every single one of us along the row if we would like some. She never slacked off or varied in her delivery, either.

So the conversation would go like this:

Bee: Oh, Karla, you brought chocolate wine I'd love to try some of that! Shrimp? Shrimp? Shrimp? Shrimp? Shrimp? Shrimp? Shrimp? Shrimp?

Karla: Yes, I'd love some shrimp. The wine is boysenberry with chocolate undertones it's probably just a flashy gimmick to get you to buy it!

Bee: Well, I love chocolate but I don't like Merlot so I'm willing to try it just to see if it tastes like Merlot or chocolate. Brie anyone? Brie anyone? Brie anyone? Brie anyone? Brie anyone? Brie anyone? Brie anyone?

****
The show was from 8-10 but people gather to drink and eat by six o'clock, so everyone was pretty much smashed and in a rip-roaring mood by the time the comics started. Of course us ladies must make frequent trips to the powder room, and we have to travel in packs...and as usual there was a long line for the ladies room and none for the men's room.

A gentleman graciously offered to guard the door for us if a few of us wanted to go use the men's room and since we were next in line we trooped over there and used those facilities. We were laughing our heads off and not thinking a thing about it, but when we all exited the men's room there were about 15 men standing in line waiting! Looking pained! And hopping from foot to foot! I guess beer will do that to a fella.

As we joyously left their company there were many parting shots back and forth about 'now you know what it feels like' and 'guess you females wear the pants in your family!' etc;

Giggling in glee we raced back to our seats in time for the opening act, whose first salvo had us all screaming and cheering because he said, " What a Town, Elk Grove! Where the women use the men's bathroom!"

Picnic Impromptu

2009-08-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

It's hard to think of picnics this morning because it's so cold outside and yet it was just a couple days ago when I was in the summer-lovin' feeling and had an impromptu picnic in the park.

It started with me eyeballing that fun bag I made a while ago, out of some Mary Engelbreit fabric I had leftover from this apron:

I had carried it a time or two as a purse, but it just didn't feel right.

So I decided to give it a new reincarnation as a picnic bag...without having to kill it first, of course, and do the whole rebirth-as-a-dog thing. Maybe I should just say I recategorized it? That's the word!

So I stuffed some things in the bag; cute napkins and a small table cloth that would fit. Made a sandwich, grabbed an apple and a water and I was ready to go!

Complete with Scabbers the Rat sneaking by in the background.

The Importance of Lying on Things

2009-08-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is...

It must be important...

It might be in his DNA...

But whatever it is...

Mackie HAS to lie on things.

Skirting the Issue

2009-08-21T19:12:00.001-07:00

It seemed like a good idea in my mind.

I planned it out. I went through all my vintage fabrics to find the perkiest ones. I lay them out and observed them. I carefully cut the pieces out and sewed them into the skirt front...

And then it dawned on me!

What was, in my mind, a darling little vintagey-perky pool wrap skirt...had suddenly manifested itself into CLOWN WEAR!!!!!

As if it weren't enough to hang out at the pool with my boob exposed, here I was creating a skirt that would GUARANTEE that I get ALL eyes pointed right at ME.

I was in a dither. I had nowhere to turn! I didn't know how to salvage this mess!

But then I just remembered my default sewing choice and turned this gaudy mess into a very cute apron.

Then I got out some of my other cute, vintage, perky fabric and made a much CALMER pool skirt. I think this is much better, don't you?

That will teach me not to drop acid before I sew!

Two Dollah, Two Dollah!

2009-08-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

Obviously, I'm into scrimping and saving a buck. So I love it when I discover something that is fun to do and really cheap.

Which is why this last month of August I've been enjoying the pool. It's Two Bucks to get in!

So I arm myself with some staples and away I go:

Blue, blue waters = heaven.

My downstairs neighbor has two wonderful cats that I like to greet through the screen as I come home each day. Every once in a while their 'momma' is home so I go in and chat with her for a while. If my bag is heavy, Milo the blue-point Siamese likes to come over and Lie upon my purse! KJ, the black cat is curious and friendly, but not about to invade my space! He's too polite!

It's just so darn funny to me. Cats: We can't understand them, and we can't live without them.

Yes, that's a head of cauliflower in the bag.

A Three Hour Skirt

2009-08-20T10:51:00.001-07:00

If it wasn't for the courage of the Fearless Crew...

This skirt would be lost! A Three Hour Skirt...A Three Hour Skirt...

Back in the...um...70's...I wore skirts every day. I had every color, and every length and every fabric...but it was ALL THE SAME EXACT PATTERN. Because I LOVED this skirt pattern. I could whip up a skirt from this pattern in 45 minutes. I was awesome.

The skirt had a side-opening waistband. It opened over the pocket. It was the coolest thing! It kept me from having to have a pounds-enhancing elastic waist, or from having to screw around with a zipper. (I loathe zippers...who doesn't?)

I've been thinking about that skirt a lot, lately. I've lain in bed nights remembering how it went together. The pocket formation was tricksy. And it's been a long time since I've drafted anything other than a purse or some curtains without a pattern. But I wanted to give it a try...

Warning: Skirt has been folded to appear smaller than actual size.

It took 3 hours. Three hours of sweating blood, broken needles and seam ripping, but I finally got it!

And I LOVE it!!!!

So what if I look like I'm wrapped in a giant hunk of drapery which smells slightly like it's been in a fire in a single-wide trailer?

Yet Another Canning Apron

2009-08-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I'm like that donkey that walks in a rutted groove all it's life making the wheel on the grindstone turn. Given a day off, it just walks in circles around the field.

Because even though this is a day off and the world beckons, I've made yet another Granny's Canning Apron.

To Pulp or Not to Pulp

2009-08-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

This post is going to be a loose collection of random topics...odds and ends that I've had rattling around in my brain for some time.

First of all, I'm quite addicted to that new show "Hoarders". Has anyone seen it? It is just riveting to see the kind of scary crap people hoard! They fill their entire living space with garbage, rotting food, etc; Unable to let go of anything, they come up with convoluted lies and stories as reasons for keeping their stuff.

Last night I watched in horror as a woman dug through a ROTTING PUMPKIN that had fallen into goo on her living room floor, desperate to keep some of the seeds because she couldn't let go,while the guy with the shovel trying to scoop up the mess was gagging and looking queasy for the camera!

I live my life as somewhat of a Reverse Hoarder! I am obsessively tidy and can't abide a cluttery mess.

Perhaps I shouldn't introduce you to my garage... but what the heck!

This is it! I got this little yellow cabinet (originally fire engine red) at a yard sale many, many years ago for 5 bucks. I have used it for everything from storing linens to dishes to bathroom items. But it seems to have found a permanent use as my Apartment Garage.

Everything that other people would put into their garage has gone into this little cabinet. Tools, paint, glue, tape, sandpaper! And it's a CLUTTERY MESS! There, I've admitted it! I've tried and tried to make it tidy, and it just won't comply. You can't neatly fold an electric drill because believe me, I've tried.

Next Random Thing:

What is up with this sudden thing in the Orange Juice world? Pulp. No Pulp. Some Pulp. Slight Pulp. Less Pulpy than Termite Dust but More Pulpy than Sodden Newspapers Left in the Rain...

All I want is a glass of semi-real Orange Juice. So my question is: to Pulp or Not to Pulp? I'm not so naive that I think just becuase it has More Pulp in it, it has been processed LESS than the stuff that is thin, watery and doesn't have so much as a molecule of orange matter in it. For all we know, the stuff with More Pulp has FAKE PULP added at the very end of the wash cycle. We don't know. We JUST DONT KNOW!!!!

I picked up this awesome fall-floral print KING size sheet at the thrift store. It had no wear on it at all and I couldn't pass it up. I think I got it for 75 cents, as they were having a 30% off sale at the Salvation Army Store. I plan on making napkins and an apron (of course!) but then I'm going to try and do some kind of skirt or tunic top out of the rest of the fabric. I just like how vintage and mid-century it looks.

Finally, I want to say that I HATE FLEA BITES. I really, really hate them! This is a picture of ONE flea bite on my ankle. It's about a week old, and as you can see, it is STILL inflamed, red and itchy. And HUGE. One single flea did this to me. It itches and itches and stings and burns and it doesn't show any signs of abating. I've used everything from Ben Gay to Camphophenique to Vaginal Itch Cream, and nothing has helped.

I even made the sign of the cross on it with my thumbnail, per my Granny Brown's instructions. But nope, this flea bite is even going to deny the supremecy of God.

I just hope I don't die from it, and not before I've learned which kind of orange juice is better.

Baby Shower Featuring...Cannibal Cake!

2009-08-17T10:48:00.001-07:00

Every family has it's skeletons in the closet...apparently mine has a cannibal in it.

Men Are Now Officially Obsolete

2009-08-16T18:27:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty much dancing a jig over my new 1 GIG!

Having discovered that the only thing I really needed to do to my computer was update the RAM (I only had 512mb which back in the day was SO MUCH MEMORY) and I'd be good to go, I was elated! All this time I've been operating so slowly that it's been a real chore to get anything done.

Having discovered what it would cost me to have a Computer Guy put that RAM in my computer, I decided it would behoove me to do it myself. So I did!

I went and found the book that came with the computer and read the instructions.
I went online and found out the exact type of RAM I needed. (Rimms, Dimms, RD-Dimms, or what?)

I went to the Microsoft website and read up on how to install it.
I went to FRYE's and bought the RAM I needed, along with a $1.99 part called a watch battery that I thought I should probably replace after 9 years of using the original one that came with the computer!)
I installed the new RAM, and the new battery, and VIOLA!!!!

I am now the proud owner of one entire GIG of RAM, and also the proud owner of my own cojones!

Because, believe me, it's pretty scary staring into the dark bowels of my computer innards and trying to figure out which slot I'm supposed to click the new RAM card into! But when it comes right down to it, it's really quite, quite easy!

So, okay, maybe all men are not obsolete, but my need for a computer geek techie guy has expired!

And of course the need for my Main Man Mackie will never become obsolete: Look how cute he looks using the edge of the mirror as a pillow. How does he think these things up?

Chickens Change

2009-08-13T08:21:00.001-07:00

My chickens got evicted from the bathroom when I went to a white on white look in there, so since then they've been looking for a new coop.

I guess this will do!

Janet Jackson Episodic

2009-08-10T12:04:00.000-07:00

I've had company for the last five days, and spent most of it staring at the back of his head while he hogged my computer. So I shall just say...it's glad to be back and 'nuff said.

I was able to fix some fun food, as in the salmon quiche I whipped up for breakfast one morning.

All my food looks alike, why is that?

Anyway, one of the things I did to escape was make an excuse to go to the post office and then I went to the park to chill out for a while! McKinley Park is a lovely park, it has a library, tennis courts, duck pond and a famous rose garden. I usually go to the rose garden end of it, and so I've never been to the kid area or...surprise surprise! the pool area.

All these years (18+) and I never went to the pool. It's not exactly a priority. I don't like to get wet and I don't want green hair!

But for some reason, the siren call of the wild pool lured me to Walmart where I was directed to the last 3 remaining swimsuits of the season. One was brown on brown with a GIANT skirt in size 3X. One was vomit color with bile streaks and a giant metal RING smack dab in the middle of the chest...like a heat magnet, sucking the sun's rays to fry your skin to a crackling sizzle in just that spot, and the third one was, sigh of resignation, tropical print.

Even though the tropical print one was my size, it did not have enough fabric on top to cover a 6 year olds' chest, much less a size 42DD. I looked and looked for something on the sale rack that could work as an extra top or under-T to wear with it but couldn't find anything. I just decided to take my chances, what the heck, it's a bathing suit not a Prom Dress.

And I went to the pool! And I loved it! I paid my 2 bucks and I got slowly into the cool, brisk water and I swam and I floated and I did some water-aerobics and I ignored the stares of the young punks, Goths, Vampyres and gang members lounging around the poolside. Eventually I got out of the pool, walked over to where I'd put my stuff and grabbed my towel...

and saw that my entire left breast was flopping in the breeze for all to see and admire! A full-court Janet Jackson Wardrobe Malfunction, in broad daylight, at Mckinley Park Pool. I should have sold tickets.

They had these flip-flops for a mere $1.75 so I had to get them.

I came home and overhauled it, sewing the straps different and etc; and I'm sure next time I'll wear a colored undershirt with it!

Mackie, although not wild about tropical prints, was not so revolted that he refused to be photographed with my new bathing suit.

And that was my Sunday. May all your pool episodes be devoid of full frontal nudity!

Julia, Julia, Wherefore Art Thou, Julia?

2009-08-06T08:07:00.001-07:00

I've been doing more to my bathroom...

It takes a lot of work to get that cluttered, decluttered look!

This old migrant worker orange-crate chest had to be painted off-white and taupe.

And I had to do all of it in between watching old Julia Child reruns on PBS. She was so funny, but I am not sure she knew she was funny! Maybe I mean clumsy? Her knives were never sharp enough, she was always dropping things, and she would forget to use a hot pad and grab something fresh out of the oven and burn herself.

You'd never get away with that in today's overly-scripted TV world! Even our 'reality TV' shows are nothing like reality!

There was a show that I'd seen before and always hoped to see again: it's the one where she devotes an entire episode to omelets. She makes omelet after omelet.

For an hour. Not for the faint-hearted!

She makes so many omelets in that one segment to make you think you could do it in your sleep. How hard could it be? She says anyone can do it and I believe her!

Of course it's much harder than it looks. I couldn't flip it by shaking the pan the way she showed, and I couldn't get the butter to sizzle but not burn to a brown foam before I got the egg poured. And I couldn't get the egg to just float on the top of the pan of butter the way she does it, either!

My first omelet was rubbery and that's an understatement. I think I overcooked it a tad.

But then I tried again. I think if I made maybe....oh....340,007 more of them, I'd get the hang of it! In the meantime, it was still 'good eating!'

Bon Apetit!

Crab Clutter

2009-08-03T05:01:00.000-07:00

There is the bad clutter: the kind that comes from an overflow of accumulation!

And then there is the good kind of clutter:

Crab Clutter!!!!!!

Happy Harvest, everyone.

White on White

2009-08-02T16:23:00.001-07:00

There's nothing like a good purging yard sale to make you want to rethink your entire collecting strategy. For decades I've been all about the shabby chic, Granny, cluttered, colorful tea party type of look. Mixed florals, giant blowsy roses, florals on top of florals.

But suddenly! I just want white on white. Minimalistic; creamy white; refreshing.

So I took down the chickens, the butter yellow, the rich floral shower curtain..

And this is what it looks like now!

I used my Grandma Ponsonby's antique white sheet for the shower curtain. And real antique barber towels on the towel rack.

And not a floral print in sight!

Okay, well....maybe just one or two...

The Bride Wore Turquoise Earrings

2009-07-30T08:47:00.001-07:00

I must be completely and utterly out of my mind! I've got about 1000 lbs. worth of stuff that's going into the yard sale and NOBODY to help me with it! How am I going to carry all of this downstairs? And then at the end of a long tired day, carry it all back up again?

I think I've officially gone 'round the bend.

I've still got to sort all this and make sure it's priced (if it needs pricing: I do the 'price section' method of garage saling: this pile one dollar, this pile 3 dollars, etc;) But lots of my 'better' wares deserves a better price and needs to be priced accordingly.

To escape the madness and the mayhem and the foolishness, I went to my favorite place: Trader Joe's. I like to get my little free cup of coffee laced with a whole packet of organic sugar and 1/2 and 1/2...and sample whatever goodies they are offering. Then I walk around with my cart and just enjoy the ambiance. Even the bathroom's are gorgeous. Much nicer than mine at home!

Yesterday, two of the employees had brought in their wedding album. They had recently gotten married. Everyone was standing around looking at it and being Verklempt.

I was so happy to see that the bride wore a very simple white dress, her hair in a French Updo with a short, white veil. Not a rhinestone in sight. No silver metallic threads. No beading. Just chiffon and satin and a simple bouquet.

Of course everyone is down on tiara's for brides these days, but I'm NEVER down on tiara's! Every girl should get to wear a crown at some point in her life whether it's to the academy awards, a beauty pageant or her own wedding. I actually wish they were in fashion and I could wear one to do my Trader Joe's shopping.

This simple, pretty bride, however, wore something much more unique! She wore silver and turquoise earrings. Old ones...from her Mexican family. Something Old, Something Borrowed, Something Blue.

Since I find weddings to be so full of meaningless pomp and ceremony (why DO they remove the garter? smash cake into each other's faces? It's weird! It has no meaning, isn't relevant, and I just think it's like a very bad stage play.) it is always nice to see someone use the traditions as a base but make their wedding personal.

Okay, enough about weddings!

At Trader Joe's, they give you a ticket if you use your own bags, and it goes into a magical tiki head bucket, and they draw out a name on a weekly basis, giving the winner a $25.00 gift card.

I've never won but I like to stage a fake winning. I like to fill in my name, get ready to drop my ticket in the bucket but then pull it back out again and say, "I WON I WON!". It always gets a laugh from the staff.

Yesterday, as I was filling out the ticket, one of the fellas came over to stand near me. He looked at me for a moment and then said, sotto voce, "We just throw those out, you know!"

I cracked up! I could tell he was sizing me up before he said anything scandalous and I told him, "I saw you check to see if I looked like I might have a sense of humor before you said anything!" I could tell he didn't want to piss off an old battle axe or a curmudgeon.

He was grinning from ear to ear because I was so delighted and he told me, "It's part of my job description to heckle the customers."

Grease Spot on the L&N

2009-07-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

It was all yellow...

I’ve been uncomfortably and excruciatingly manic for the past week, every since I found out that the second half of my income is disappearing. Right now I’m down to 8 hours of work a week. That’s not much of a paycheck. It’s going to get worse before it gets better, since almost the entire month of July was short by half.

I’m gearing up for a massive yard sale this weekend. At least, that’s the plan. I’ve yanked stuff ruthlessly from corners, cupboards and closets, with the mentality of getting rid of as much as possible just in case I need to leave here in a hurry with nowhere to go.

I ask the question: If I was in a fire and had to grab something from this area to save, what would it be? And then I make myself purge the rest of the stuff.

But its exhausting and in a lot of ways, heartbreaking work. I am fond of my things. I am attached to the things that I’ve accumulated out of love and life. My things give me a lot of happiness on a daily basis. But I also realize that my life will be perfectly fine without STUFF. And I also realize I’ve got enough to go around: in other words, enough stuff to be gotten rid of and enough stuff to be kept.

That which is essential is invisible to the eye.

Yesterday, Obee, a fellow caregiver, asked me to go to her house and then to the Galt Flea Market. It’s held on a Tuesday so it’s kind of neat, as those things are always on weekends. It gives an extra day for the vendors to make money and for folks to shop instead of having to cram it all in on the weekends.

Of course, walking through the aisles in the blistering sun looking at giant tubs and bins of cheap plastic hair clips, tube socks and car parts, I just had to laugh: Here I am in the midst of getting rid of stuff and my idea of a good day is to go wander around the stalls and look for cheap shower shoes!

I bought a nice plum colored nail polish for a dollar. So that was fun.

Afterwards we ate at her house in her back garden surrounded by sunflowers and tomato plants. She sent me home jars of peach jam, strawberry preserves, fresh peaches the size of a baby's head and a sack of tomatoes. Ah, summer!

Last night at work I was explaining to Miss Biddy that she couldn't ride in the car with me: It's over 100 degrees out and it's a safety issue. My car has black interior, and she has no body weight at all. Dehydration could take effect within moments and I'd be driving a corpse around.

"It's even dangerous for me," I told her, "with all my body fat! I could fry like a turkey once my body fat heats up to boiling temperature! I could melt into nothing sitting right behind the steering wheel!"

She laughed, thought a moment and replied, "You'd be nothing but a grease spot on the L&N"

The Tweeny's Half Day

2009-07-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

Back in the happy Golden Days of Yore, there was such a thing as a 'tweenie'. Which was a lowly housemaid somewhat between a scullery maid and a housemaid. They were usually employed by less affluent families who could not afford a full staff of servants...thus combining several jobs into the body of one poor girl.

Kind of like my job now!

Also, back in the day, servants--indeed employees of any kind--got ONE HALF DAY off work a month. Imagine working 30 and a half days in a row before getting a lousy half day off.

Hmm...kind of like my job now!

So what do you do with your half day off when you are a mere tweeny? Fix crepes, slather them in powdered sugar, chocolate drizzles and apricot preserves...and curl up with a good book about Lilibet and Margaret Rose Windsor, written by their governess Crawfie.

Here's an antique pinafore, made for a very tiny tweeny.

Cereal Boxes Make No Sense

2009-07-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

"I believed in accumulating.

And when you believe in accumulating, you see what you don't have,

not what you do. You lose touch with what you value more than money."

Geneen Roth

Lately I've been noticing how much paper waste I seem to generate. It's everywhere! Paper clutter seems to multiply on it's own when I'm not looking.

I shred everything that doesn't have my name on it, I buy many things from the co-op in bulk, I re-use my plastic bags like crazy so they don't pile up, and I don't even bring those mailer/fliers in the mailbox into my apartment: they go straight to the dumpster... yet I still seem to have a lot of paper garbage.

Where I live, we just have a giant dumpster. They had tried having recycle bins but they kept getting stolen, shifted to the neighbor's lot or they would somehow migrate to the end of the block at the opening of the alley. It wasn't uncommon to see 2 or 3 recycle bins at the entrance to the alley on any given day.

One imagines Homeless Elves taking them for joyrides and then abandoning them when bored.

Just this week, though, I noticed there are two spanking new recycle cans in back of my apartment. That gave me hope! I would take this opportunity to begin to separate my paper, plastic and glass from the rest of my garbage.

And that's when reality started to sink in. Empty cottage cheese containers. Paper towels and Puffs. Butter wrappers. Those 'business reply envelopes' that never get used...and Food Packaging!

Ah, food packaging. Now that I am consciously handling and sorting every item that passes through my hands instead of just throwing it in the garbage, lots of it makes no sense to me. For instance: cereal boxes. What is their purpose?

At Miss Biddy's house there are always at least 5 kinds of cereal boxes in her pantry. Most of them have half a cup of cereal left inside. She goes for a box of cereal, shakes it, realizes there's not enough in there for a full bowl, but too much to throw away, and puts it back in the cupboard and chooses another. When the very last box is down to it's last handful, she finally realizes she is out of cereal and we go to the store and buy 5 boxes more, thus starting the cycle all over again. You can't tell by looking at the box whether it's empty or full, x5!

At my house it's not that bad: I just have Joe's O's to contend with. But still...I have to open the box and look inside to see how much is in there. And inside is the 'stay fresh' inner bag that is the 'real' packaging of the cereal.

So I always throw away the box and just use the inner cereal bag, because the cereal box acts as a barrier to the free flow of cereal, to my way of thinking!

Why don't they adopt the 'potato chip bag' approach? Do away with that outer packaging that makes NO SENSE and is USELESS. It's not like there are 1000 craft ideas for reusing the ubiquitous cereal box. If they used clear or semi-clear bags, they could still write stuff all over them and you could still SEE INSIDE to how much you had left.

Okay, what's my point? My point is...I'm just here to introduce you to my new, fabulous recycled paper container! I bought it years ago to use at Civil War reenactments, and then kept it around for the odd large laundry object like rugs or the bedspread. But it always seemed like it was meant for greater things... so now it's my recycled paper garbage bag! Viola!

My New Motto

2009-07-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

I actually had to save someone's life at work yesterday! My lady started to cough and belch and her lungs filled up with fluids and I was alone and had to call the hospice nurse to talk me through it. She had just been there earlier and we had talked about all the house plants they have.

One that she pointed out to me was an Angel-drop Begonia. Everyone loves begonias excepf for me becuase I think they look like if you touch them they will burn my hands off with molten acid and I'll be left with stumps. Orchids are the same thing: I think they look like they would like to trap me with their ropey roots and then slowly digest me over thousands of years.

I started to read a book that was on the shelf there. It's called "Angels in the Wilderness" by Amy Racina. It's about a woman who fell off a collapsing cliff while backpacking alone in the Sierras. She fell 60 feet onto granite and crushed her hips, knees, and her face. It's a real page turner! She had to try and drag or scoot herself to this stream where she could try and float somewhere that there would be people. The first day she only managed to move about 30 feet. It's a very spiritual book. Anyone reading it who does not want people to have universal health care is an inhuman monster. From the sounds of it, it was a FAR HARDER ordeal once she was rescued and in the hospital without insurance than it was to survive in the wilderness. She had to plead for toilet paper and the Accounting Department kept calling her and asking her how she intended to pay her $350,000.000 medical bill. AT that point she was still helpless in casts and fighting off serious life-threatening infections.

ANYWAY! As I was slowly trying to calm down and still keep an eye on my poor frail 105 year old, the doorbell rang and it was an unscheduled visit from a social worker. A very lovely girl she checked on my patient and then spent some time counceling me. I don't even know how she KNEW I was in trouble but she told me to remember to Wait on God.

She said it was Okay to slow down and let things happen. I showed her the Angel drop begonia and the book I was reading. Before she left, she gave me her card.

As I sat down to read some more, I looked at her card and saw that her name was ANGELIC Jones. Not Angela, or Angelique or Angeline. ANGELIC.

Thanks, God! That was pretty cool!

Much later as I was packing up my stuff to leave and end my shift, I saw the piece of paper I'd been doodling on during the time I was calling for help and back-up, etc;

I had written:

When in Doubt
FREAK OUT!

And that was my day with the Angels.

Mack Bag

2009-07-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

Just an average bag on an average bed on an average morning...packing up some things to take to work.

But Wait...

Something moved! Who is that masked marauder?

It's Mackie in a Bag! Designed to go with you, wherever you roam! Near or far, by plane or car, no matter how desperate the times...there will be comfort and laughter with the new, compact, ultra-sleek Cat in a Bag!

*****

I've been given a series of new challenges, lately: namely, I've lost BOTH my main sources of income in the last month. Quite out of the blue. (Although when you do elderly care nothing is ever quite out of the blue.) In one case my daytime Miss E. had to go into convalescent care and now I've learned my evening Miss B. is going to give up her big house and move to an apartment near her daughter.

So I've been scrambling for work ideas and living options to lower my overhead...so that I can manage to KEEP an overhead. Roof, I mean. I'd like to avoid being homeless if possible!

The company I work for is great about placements, but right now? With this economy? People are taking care of their own Moms & Dads, because they can't afford to pay outside care.

Good thing all I really need is a Cat in a Bag and my tea things. I'll be fine. I hope you all are, as well!

Jammin' Scammin'!

2009-07-19T12:35:00.001-07:00

We've all gotten those Nigerian 411 scams in our inbox at one time or another; General McTutu's poor widow who has 14 million dollars that for some reason she wants to share with little old me if I can just help her get it out of her war-torn country; etc. They are pretty easy to spot and there are even entire web sights devoted to scamming these scammers. Most of them seem pretty damn dumb right from the get-go, and yet they seem to think they are BRILLIANT and really have JUST the hot ticket plan to relieve us of our hard earned cash.

I think they are despicable of course.

When I got the following important letter from the FBI in my inbox today I wanted to offer this poor "FBI agent" a cup of tea. And an education. At least a spelling lesson. And then spank him and send him to bed without any supper:

Hello this is from the fbi law enforcement usa californoia 93535.if you had been scam before this is a help agent to you This is to let you know that all of you who had lost money to scammers in africa and usa i let you know that there is an quick opportunity for you all. mostly you lost money through lottery. my name is FBI martins. i assure you that i will doall i can to get your money back to you in 3 days okay. a opportunity to getyour money back I believe you know what scam means. i am a global scam fither in CA 93535.we have all the global scam computer to trace all scammer name and location okay...if you had sent money to africa youhave a chance to take 1 of them to courth because 1 of them had been caught.. if you lost money or wins or deaf lottery contact us quick

Caption Contest Closed!

2009-07-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

Although I had over 300,000 entries to my Mackie Caption Contest, I was able to distill them down to just ONE winner! BEYOND PANIC is the winning entry. I laughed out loud and I learned something at the same time! Why have I never noticed before that Mackie's "Got Milk" mustache covers half his face? Delightful!

Things have been slow and dull around here and so has been my brain! I'd like to say that I was off doing the Tour de France or I was the one who got gored by a bull in Pamplona but it would all be lies!

It's just a long hot summer all around, I guess!

Beyond Panic: send me your snail mail information ...misspinkbutleratcomcastdotnet

Caption Contest

2009-07-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

For lack of anything to say, and because I have nothing better to do, I'm holding another caption contest. This time, I'm only awarding ONE prize. You don't get a prize just for entering, Aunt Bevo! Just write your entry in the comments section and I'll pick a winner after a day or so.

All prizes are from my clutter around the house! Who knows if it will be a treasure or trash?

Sangria Summer

2009-07-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

It's a perfect day for a fluffy sofa

And a pitcher of Sangria. Sweet, sweet summertime.

Pearl Without Price

2009-07-11T18:32:00.001-07:00

It's the cutest quilt. It's butter yellow. And indigo Blue. It's got a funky floral border that adds to both it's size and it's charm. And it's only $60.00. Selling it would clear up space in my little bedroom and add funds to my very dwindled bank account. I love it but I'm ready to sell it. Why not let go of things to make room in life for other possibilities? Out with the old, in with the new... it's for sale and I mean it!

But then again... Maybe Not.

BLOG SALE!!!

2009-07-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I know you all haven't heard from me in ages and what can I say? One of my clients took a turn for the worse (or in this case worst) and I've been doing a LOT of hours...no time for blogging!

And now suddenly I don't have many hours AT ALL and thus I've invented a clever new idea...called the Blog Sale!

I never have enough stuff for an Etsy, you know, plus all that online paypalling and people taking percentages just sends me into the stutters! So I'm just going to sell my tired treasures to anyone who wants them!

I'm trying to include the price of postage in with the sale price. I HATE charging people for handling-- what's to handle? I have to handle it so why would I charge you to handle it over to you? --so that it's a simple transaction.

I'd prefer cash in the mail but you can also do check or money order. Everything is sold AS IS. If something is glitched I'll tell you. All sales are final! Honey, I need the money so by the time you've changed your mind I've spent your dime!

email me any requests: this is first-come-first served you know! If you want something, tell me firmly and I'll mark it sold and remove it from the blog. Any questions? email me:
misspinkbutler at comcast dot net

First up are these vintage/antique amethyst earrings. I picked these up back in the 60's at an antique jewelry store. I paid a pretty penny for them. I assume they are 10k gold and the amethysts are actually cut glass but you never know. They are vintage, beautiful, screw-back earrings. $40.00 sorry I don't have a close-up lens on my camera! But trust me they are delicate and beautiful.

Vintage Lumpy Quilt: $60.00

Yes, it's lumpy, but the colors are gorgeous! It's a small twin bed sized quilt, tied with yarn.

The back is a thin cotton in this wonderful aqua, orange and sunflower yellow fabric. There is one worn/tear just from fragile fabric on the BACK. It can easily be patched or stitched depending on the look you want for your quilt. This is just a very sweet quilt.

Next I've got 3 petit point dinner plates. These are not a 'brand name' china, in fact the back is totally unmarked.
I'm asking $5.00 each or $15.00 for all three.

Cool cotton bags $20.00 each. I'll post individual shots in my next post! Don't want to stress out Blogger! These bags are all handmade by me and are lined with a contrasting cotton.

This is one of those brand name knock-offs but I couldn't tell you whose! I don't even know if it's real leather. I do know it's BRAND spanking new and comes with a check book.

Red heart wallet: $10.00.

Last but not least I've got 4 bars of my green garden soap at $3.00 a bar. These are small bars but smell heavenly.

Please remember these exorbitant prices include the postage! I'll 'handle' them for free!

All items come with CAT HAIR at no extra charge. If you want fancy insurance then you'll have to pay for that!

Still no charge for the cat hair, though.

Got Rhinestones?

2009-06-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

Well, what can I say? I thought this morning I'd dig out a pair of white garden gloves and glue some rhinestones on one of them and wear it around today, just to see what kind of response I would get.

Much like the time I carried Grey Poupon Mustard on my dashboard. I got lots of laughs out of that trick!

But then I saw that I'm a quart low on rhinestones and it was going to be too much effort, anyway. I've got better things to do with my time than rile up the public.

Not that they need riling! Good heavens it's like somebody famous has died or something!

If people make such a fuss over this has-been drugged out pedophile, imagine what kind of outcry there will be when Elvis dies!

Setting aside sarcasm for a moment, I do just want to say...that back in the day...there was nobody like Michael Jackson! We were all moths to that flame! At least, we were moths to the New Flame of MTV, and it was Michael's videos we were seeing! Off the Wall was a great album, but when Thriller came out, and there was Michael reclining on the cover in that white suit, our little girlie hormones sat up and took notice. This guy had gotten HANDSOME!

Must have been that nose job... So glad he knew enough to leave well enough alone and never did any plastic surgery after that first little nose refinement!

I even owned, for a brief period of time, a red leather Michael Jackson jacket.

But that was long ago. My rhinestone glove has been at the bottom of a landfill for at least 25 years, I'd say! So I won't be wearing it today.

Feel free to copy my idea, though! Wear the Glove! Moonwalk on Main street!

But I thought of it first!

Summer Fever

2009-06-18T15:03:00.001-07:00

Everyone knows what spring fever feels like. You get antsy and you want to do a deep cleaning. You want to open the windows and get out the cushions to the lawn furniture. You want to take a trip somewhere, head for summer pastures, plant the garden. You want activity. You want growth.

But summer fever is something else entirely. You want to put your feet up, preferably on the front porch. You want your feet dangling in water, off the end of the pier or the side of the boat.

You want the laundry done already, snapping in the breeze on the clothesline out back. You want that cold glass of sticky lemonade or sweet tea and you want to rub it on your forehead or neck. You want the smell of sweet corn in the fields, almost ready for pickin'.

You want the mixture of Sun-In on your hair and coconut tanning oil to be your perfume.

You want lake water in your nose.

I've got summer fever, BAD, today. REAL BAD.

Good Deed, Indeed

2009-06-15T13:03:00.000-07:00

Ah, Good deeds really do get rewarded!

Today as I was turning into the back alley where I park, I was flagged down by a debonair young gentleman with a skinny mustache. With hand motions of prayer and entreaty, he asked me if I perchance had any jumper cables.

I said I did but I'd have to get them out of my apartment. Now that I think about it, why do I keep my jumper cables in my apartment? They can't possibly do me any good there.

So I parked and got the cables and drove a few feet back down the alley to where his car was, and he hooked up the cables, started his car and Viola! A Good Deed was Done.

I felt good about it. He felt good about it. And that was that!

Except it wasn't. Because he said, "WAIT! I have something for you!" He reached into his back seat, rootled around a little bit and handed me a big armful of PRODUCTS.

Glorious, girly, fun-filled products! From his own line!

And they perfectly match the bag I was carrying. Now is that serendipitous, or what?

In the Midnight Hour She Cried 'More, More, More!"

2009-06-12T19:42:00.000-07:00

With a Rebel Yell I'm on a bag-making bonanza!

This pattern is so easy and fun and it only takes a half yard of fabric. It's proving to be an excellent use of fabrics that I have no other use for.

I've been looking for little projects that I can make without buying any further fabric. It's really fun and stretches my boundaries a little bit to be confined to using what I already have. Especially when it's so much fun to run out and buy fabric at the least excuse!

I'm currently working my way through my summer looking/vintage looking fabric. But I can see this pattern working well for autumn and winter fabrics too.

Another project that I've had on my list for a while is another batch of napkins. I made the horrific and inconceivable discovery that I had No Pink Napkins! How I can hold up my Ponsonby Head after confessing that, I have no idea!

I had to remedy that at once, and so I did:

This was a very odd paisley that was just that wee tint towards being Pepto Bismal Pink, which is a color that his hard to use and not that pleasing to the eye. But as napkins, it lends itself well!

While I was at it, I decided a few minty green ones and paler pink napkins would be needed to add to the mix!

And thus I had a happy day! No crazy lunatics were drawn to my door and I was able to sew and sew and create to my heart's content!

And Then There Were Two

2009-06-11T09:01:00.000-07:00

After yesterday, I decided it was perhaps best not to wander out today, so I started a project instead.

It's some kind of law of physics that a vacuum must be filled, and thus it is when I've cleared off a wee bit of space in which to work.

Using this basic pattern from http://mollychicken.blogs.com/my_weblog/ I modified it to be less of a giant capacious handbag that would store a three volume novel of more than revolting sentimentality, and more of a purse.

The first one took several hours, two hours of which were spent thinking.I love a messy creation station!

It looks more like an apron than a purse!

I always have to have twice the pockets that other people have.

Ta Da!

Mackie approves

******

I liked it so much I made a second one!

This one has shorter straps and is less wide.

Notice how Mackie has moved on over on TOP of the pink one.

Lip smackin' good!

Nut Magnet Collection Grows

2009-06-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

I've added several new editions to my ever growing nut magnet collection. I know my readers are wondering why I don't take a picture of my fridge and show them to you.

It's because my fridge is full of magnetic notepads, the way God Intended, and also, these are not refrigerator nut magnets, these are the people kind.

Your tired, your poor, your unbalanced, unstable and unwashed all are drawn to me like bees to honey. I literally trip over them on my own doorstep.

Today as I headed out for some errands I saw that I had to have the insides of my windows washed. I could barely see out of the windshield in front or the sides.

Since I was on my way to the post office anyway I dug out a couple bucks to give to the guy who washes windows in the parking lot. He's a nice, decent man, obviously down on his luck, but willing to clean windows for change. He never bothers anybody or begs, but he is always there with newspapers and glass cleaner and a little stool he uses to stand on for the SUV's. I always have him clean my windows, he does a really good job.

So as not to make him feel he needed to hurry, I hung out in the lobby of the post office until I could see he was finished. It was here that I acquired my first Nut Magnet Experience of the Day.

A portly senior citizen man with slipping dentures approached me, already well into a conversation with me before I had made eye contact. He told me all about his pernicious anemia, his vitamin B12 shots, his high blood pressure pill, his daily diet of steak and baked potato, and how he would vomit every day; everything he ate he would upchuck. He told me how he liked to chew on women as well as steaks, and he gave me a leer. I almost asked him if he puked when he fed on women but refrained.

I thought I'd introduce him to the benefits of nutritional yeast but he didn't really have an input valve. Just output. He'd talk right over me no matter what I said. All the while I was trying to peer over his shoulder and around his fat gut to see the progress of my window washer.

It started back in the 70's" he said, apropos of nothing, "That was when they first got to our water. "

"Got to it, how, exactly?" I asked.

"You know, got to it. That was when they did it to all our water. Bio-engineered the DNA."

Now, I happen to know a bit about anemia because I was born with it and almost died from it several times, and I also happen to be a big fan of knowing stuff about DNA. After all, I've lost count of the times I've yelled at the back of a retreating boyfriend, "Get out and take your DNA with you!"

So I already knew that B12 shots are the treatment for pernicious anemia--although if he has a functioning terminal ileum, I don't know what all the fuss is about-- but I have not yet been acquainted with bio-engineered altered DNA in my water source. That just seems like a lot of work for Secret Ops to go to, and for what purpose? To make us a Stupider People?

I can hear them now in their secret labs in the underworld, "This dumbing down of America through Reality TV isn't working fast enough. People still show signs of resisting Twitter. Let's doctor up their Water!"

You know it's just not very likely. Wouldn't they doctor up our Starbucks instead?

I extricated myself from his presence by wishing him all the best of luck with his vomiting issues, and made a beeline for my car.

But Nut Magnet Adventure#2 had other plans. This man, bleary-eyed and somewhat shell-shocked in appearance, waylaid me with this stunner, "Ma'am! Please! That lady right there just farted on me!" I half looked at him and half at the retreating back of a well dressed woman whom, to my quick assessment, did not look like the back of a woman who would take deadly aim and let one rip in public.

What was I supposed to do about it? Run after her and demand she give him is clean air back? Confront her with her intentions? Demand repercussions? Ask her if she'd considered Vitamin B12 shots and introduce her to Nut Magnet #1 who might vomit on her and thus complete the cycle of Karma that I just somehow got snagged into?

I did nothing, alas, except express my deep felt sorrow and compassion for his horrific experience, and high-tailed it out of there with my clean windows as fast as my foot could hit the gas pedal. (ha-ha. Get it? Gas pedal?)

My next stop was the 98 cent store, where, as I was rounding the corner into the food aisle. I ran smack dab into a guy who was shoving a bag of chips in his pants.

This was starting to seem like a day for social torture rather than the joyous gad-about that I had intended.

It was a freeze-in-place moment. I really didn't know what to do. I looked around as if I had done the guilty deed, and wondered if store detectives would be descending in droves. I knew I had mere moments to formulate some kind of response. What would it be? Would I scream, "THIEF!" or "Drop that Bag of Chips, you are surrounded!" ? Or would I look the other way and pretend I'd seen nothing? After all, this was the 98 cent store, where everything costs one dollar. What difference did that dollar make to the store if this obviously homeless man was driven by hunger to steal his food?

Without even thinking I said, "I'll buy that for you, and anything else you want to eat."

But he didn't hear me. He was already moving fast and out the door, and I'll never know if my words had time to register before he was gone.

This morning as I left the house, a friend had told me I looked especially nice today, and that in my new pink blouse I was sure to attract an eligible man.

Fear of Commitment Affects My Functionality!

2009-06-08T11:57:00.000-07:00

I loathe and detest that non-word 'functionality' by the way! It's so lazy! Is it so hard to say, "This will affect your ability to function!"? MUST it be converted to Kitch English?

Although these eggs were just fantastic and the salsa was the freshest, tastiest I've ever made...I had plating issues this morning. Yes, that's right, I had trouble committing to a piece of china. The Limoges? The Royal Crown Derby? The Belique? What would best showcase this perfect breakfast of eggs and salsa? The Spode? The Bell Hyacinth?

The eggs were starting to get cold, and the morning was growing long and I knew that the jig was up: I had to grab a paper plate and let it be.

These are the occasions when life reminds us not to get too lofty.

This morning Miss Evie told me just such a tale:

Her daughter had been chosen amongst dozens of candidates to be the Camellia Queen. That was a big deal back in the day. The entire family was honored beyond belief and Evie was just convinced, absolutely certain, that this would lead to big things for Greta.

"We thought this would lead to a bank opening, at least!"

As I was stifling my guffaws she went on with her story, "And to be certain, the phone rang the very next morning! They wanted her for a Grand Opening!"

She paused for dramatic affect, continuing on in a scandalized tone, "It was an opening for a SERVICE STATION!"

Food: It's What's For Dinner

2009-06-07T10:57:00.000-07:00

It seemed like the perfect affair! Dinner at 6! Guests on their way! Food deliciously prepared! A quick text message to the the folks the door was unlocked and to make themselves at home until I could get there...Roast Beast with golden potatoes and organic carrots! Ribblees, otherwise known as spetzels, perfect, plump and glossy! And the grande finale: Banana's Foster!

Although it didn't exactly turn out that way.

For one thing, the auto-pilot mechanism in my brain over rode the 'leave door unlocked' command and thus with one turn of the key I locked my guests out in the cold and sleet! They had to trek mile after mile across the frozen tundra to another friends' house in order to keep from freezing to death on my doorstep until I got home!

Ribblee noodles, ready for the pot.

The right degree of texture and size

Into the pot a few at a time to keep them separate and give them room to breathe.

Broth simmering not boiling

Perfect Spetzels. I mean, really really perfect!

Except the guest of honor couldn't eat them because in the army they make them eat their own vomit and that's what these reminded him of.

Well, I wouldn't let him tell me the REAL reason he couldn't eat them, but that was what my mind conjured up when he said, 'it's because of something that happened to me in the army."

Ah! Fine Tri-tip steaks ready for the roasting pan!

Too bad I don't have any pics of this finished project because although some were taken, I believe my mouth was wide open in a scream and I refused to allow them to be published!

Crepes!

And here is where the story turns ugly! Because my Banana's Foster absolutely refused to flame! Not so much as a spark! Not even a small contained slow burn! Nothing! Nothing short of dowsing them in gasoline would have worked, and yet we tried and tried. The results were sugared bananas in burnt caramel tasting like a bottle of rot-gut Russian Vodka.

I was so traumatized I refused to allow the event to be photographed!

In my mind this post was going to end with a BANG! A lovely shot of my happy, full guests seated at my dining table grinning from ear to ear in sheer gustatorial bliss!

But instead, I will end with this shot so that I can issue a disclaimer!

I did it all while severely injured!

That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! Bon Apetit!

No Bulls Would Die Today. (Hemingway)

2009-06-06T03:53:00.000-07:00

My lady Miss Evie staged her own death today. I had heard about this performance but until now had not experienced it first hand. Here is how it went down:

I already knew she was awake because she had gotten up to use the bathroom a mere 15 minutes prior, and had given me a look. I went in to see if she was ready to get up.

Instead of the accustomed sight of her curled on her side lined in pillows, I saw her flat on her back with her hand thrown over her forehead in the universal sign of "Woe is Me!" In two years I've never seen her flat on her back so that was a big moment right there.

I said good morning and she didn't answer, she just lifted her hand a wee bit and fluttered her fingers at me.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"I don't know!" came her tremulous voice.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Oh, the usual."

"What usual would that be?"

"My heart palpitations. I think I'm dying."

I'm pretty sure that my own heart palpitations started up right about then. But rather than lie down beside her and die on the spot, I decided to tough it out. I grabbed her wrist and checked her pulse.

Mind you, I haven't the faintest inkling how to check a pulse. I've just seen it on tv.

But I thought I should check and see if she had one anyway. All the while my mind is racing about what to do next. I was just sure there was nothing posted on the fridge about what to do in this situation. I already know she will flat out refuse to go to the hospital so I decided to delay the 911 call until I had further information.

I know the first order of the day is to get those pills in her, since one of them is a big fat Xanex that she takes for anxiety.

I ran and got her pills and water and asked her to sit up in bed a little bit so she didn't choke. She managed to drag herself semi-upright, but not without a lot of sighing and trembling.

I decided I'd better stick right by her so I pulled up a chair. When she saw I was preparing for a vigil, she demanded her coffee in bed.

This was when I knew that the worst was over. Who, on their deathbed, demands a cup of coffee--strong and black, no cream or sugar? I got her coffee and while I was at it, I got myself some too.

She took a sip and said, "It's too hot!" Normally, she just sets the cup down and waits a bit for it to cool, but apparently since she was moments from passing out of this earthly realm, she didn't have the time to wait. "Can't you put some water in it?" she asked peevishly.

I did one better and put some ice chips in it. I really wanted her to get some coffee in her! She looked at the rapidly melting ice like she was going to demand it's withdrawal henceforth, but then she relented and drank the coffee.

"Do you really think you are dying?" I asked her.

"Why NOT?" she said woefully. "Everybody's got to go sometime! I've had a full life."

I nodded wisely. I know this lady and I know she is a talker, so I knew it would just be a moment before it all came pouring out of her, and it did.

"Besides! I got a call from Dan last night and he's leaving for China this morning. You know I can't stand to have any of my family go on a trip! It's very upsetting for me. I can't help myself. I am sure I'm dying."

I let there be a pause for a moment and then I calmly stated, "If you die today, he'd have to cancel his trip."

She was completely taken aback. "I wouldn't want that! I wouldn't like that at all!"

"Well, you wouldn't really have any say in the matter if you were dead." I said reasonably. "He'd naturally cancel all his plans to stay home for the funeral of his beloved Grandma."

It took about two beats of her palpitating heart to sit up further in bed and demand her breakfast.

"I'll have my usual golden breakfast." she declared, "And don't ever put rice in my eggs again!"

No grain of rice has ever touched her breakfast eggs as far back as I can remember, so I knew that for today, at least, not only would she not be dying, she'd be up to her old tricks. Status Quo.

An Unnecessary Purchase

2009-06-04T18:10:00.000-07:00

Unnecessary, but needed. One of my work pals surprised me with 4 tee-shirts for summer. She had ordered them from a catalog and they were way too large for her. Of course that means they are skin-tight on me but I thought I could make them work.

If I could get past the colors, that is. We are talking Leprechaun Green, Neon Red and Acid Blue. (The 4th one is white, so no problem there.)

So I got out the trusty bleach bottle and brought them up to pretty pastel colors more in keeping with my natural coloring tones.

See? Pretty Easter Egg Green! With a lavender undershirt!

With freshwater pearls of course.

Along with the New! Less Neon! tees, I bought a couple new tops at St. Vincent's Thrift store.

I love thrift store shopping! It's a good thing, too since it's the only way I'd get any 'new' clothes at all. I usually have a hard time finding anything in "super-size-me" sizes, but occasionally I get lucky. And very creative...

This was an ugly granny dress which I converted to a cute summer tunic top to be worn with Capri leggings.

This was another Bleach-Baby. What was once Pepto-Abysmal pink is now a soft, pretty petal pink.

This is much neater in person. It's got a very long skirt and this giant tunic top. I'm going to cut up the skirt to make some shirred draping around the waist of the t-shirt. It's part of my movement to support Michelle Obama in her campaign for Textured Dressing.

I got all these pieces for under 10 dollars along with a Johnson Brothers Regency cream pitcher (to be featured later.)

So there was really no reason to make any further clothing purchases. No reason whatsoever.

But tell me--if you can--how I, Miss Pink Ponsonby, Queen of All Things Tea, could see this and walk away?

(Object in picture has been folded to appear smaller than in real life.)

Bon Aire!

2009-06-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

Today was a truly tired, brain-numb type of day. I spilled an entire glass of milk down the inside of the fridge door. Why does milk take longer to mop up and spread further than water?

I was chatting with my lady or rather she was chatting and my mind was far, far away trying to wake itself up, when I heard her say something about 'a very charming, suave man'. To show I was, indeed, hanging upon her lips like a metaphor of bees, I said, "Ah! Debonair!"

And then after a pause I said, "Of course I have no real idea what debonair actually means. One uses it all the time but one has never looked it up."

To which she replied, "It means a man with a small French mustache."

Hydrangeas

2009-06-01T06:41:00.001-07:00

It's June! I don't know about y'all but here in Sacramento we had a long, heavenly springtime. Only a few days of brutal heat and lots of cool mornings and evenings. And therefore lots of blossoms, blooms and flowers.

Hydrangea. So pretty they look fake!

And yet another 'unfinished object project' These are some Civil War Reproduction fabrics and a Texas Star pattern. Easy to hand-piece but awful to cut out from a pattern. It's going to be a table runner or a tablecloth, depending on how many stars I make before I run out of energy for this particular pattern.

Happy June, Everyone!

Chickens Counted After Hatched

2009-05-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

I'll just be hanging out with my peeps.

A Day in the Life

2009-05-21T05:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a day much like any other...if you live in a hell dimension.

The very first thing in the morning, I opened the door and saw THIS sight:

Yeah, that's a human body laying curled up on my stoop, wrapped up in a hoodie. Sorry about the calcium build-up on the screen so you can't see so well. I'll get around to scrubbing that off when I get a new batch of energy. I've got one ordered, it just hasn't arrived yet.

Anyway...I stood there to see if the body was breathing, and it was. So I spoke gently and woke the fella up and the body turned out to be an 18 year old runaway boy, now homeless.

I talked to him for quite a while; asking things like what was his drug of choice, was he hungover, and could I expect to see his face on the back of a milk carton? I also asked him if he was hungry and he said he was.

I fed him a couple plates of eggs (he ate all that I had on hand) and a chicken salad sandwich with some juice.

And I asked him if he'd like me to call his mom or someone else in his family. He said, yeah, he'd like that. So he gave me the number and I dialed it and left a message on an answering machine.

He's been on the street for more than 8 months so I would imagine someone out there is frantic for news of him.

Come to think of it, maybe not. I've had some experience with families leaving members to die in a ditch. I just hope that's not the case with his. He was a nice young man, lost, scared, and with no way out of his predicament without a serious helping hand.

I asked him where he'd be in case someone called back and he told me and then he left.

It was later in the day and many phone calls later that it dawned on me! I hadn't left a call-back number! I am so lazy and so used to caller ID that it never occurred to me that not everyone has that feature!

Now I am haunted by the vision of some poor people down in San Francisco having heard word that their son/brother/nephew is alive and homeless on the streets of Sacramento but with no way to find him or learn more! Arrggh!

Just to show that no good deed goes unpunished, I had to resort to buying a blender because none were available for cheap at the Salvation Army. Mine had met with an unfortunate spoon-in-the-blades accident earlier this week and had to be tossed out. I was really sweating the expenditure on a budget that has no room for such luxuries, but I went ahead and bought a cheap one at Walmart.

And when I got home I noticed a letter in the mailbox from my landlord stating that my rent had just increased by $100 a month.

I'm sure there's a bible verse to cover this second big event of the day: something about adversity and heaping coals upon my head and probably even boils, pestilence and locusts. What it could be doesn't come to mind, but I am for certain sure I know which one covers the first incident:

Matthew 25:35-40

Bye Bye Blender

2009-05-20T09:04:00.000-07:00

Ah, the joys of simple summer things. Like drinking fruit smoothies all season long. It's one of my simple pleasures.

Until yesterday when I left a Reed and Barton stainless steel soup spoon in the blender and turned it on, sheering the motor drive in two and ruining the spoon as well.

I don't know if there is a lesson in there or not. There's no money for a new blender so I guess the lesson is to do without. Again.

In the meantime, I am working on the pile of unfinished quilts and have a great time. So is my seamstress assistant Mackie, seen here marking the quilt pattern in pencil:

hmmm, this looks like a good spot.

Just let me get a good grip on this thing...

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille

Cozy Up

2009-05-14T14:05:00.000-07:00

I've been longing for some new tea cozies for over a year. But I never had the energy to make one!

It requires piecing and quilting an entire design. Or, if I was to make a one-fabric cozy, it would still need to be quilted. The task just seemed daunting and so it never got underway.

Until! My Pink Brain! kicked into 'AHA!' when I was at the thrift store this morning!

I spotted some very nice PILLOW SHAMS. For $1.99 each. Fully pieced and quilted and fully calling out to me to buy them and cut them up.

So I did.

A simple shape.

A quick whip around on the old machine.

And VIOLA!

I'm so happy! Aren't you?

While the Cat's Away

2009-05-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

I thought I would be able to sandwich up another quilt this afternoon while Mackie was sound asleep in the other room.

Um, I guess not.

So I had to do it on the table instead.

Doing My Part

2009-05-08T06:04:00.001-07:00

It's good to know that in these trying times of hamdemics, there are those who are out there fighting the good fight and trying not to spread the dreaded Swine Flu.

I like to think I'm doing my part. Keeping my hands washed. Keeping my finger out of my nose. Spraying anyone in the face with hand sanitizer who dares to sneeze in my direction.

Yesterday, however, I did a bad, bad thing. I may have single-handedly created my own disease vector. Here is what happened:

My co-worker had told me that Sheba Cat Food no longer comes in the little square plastic cans that I found so handy as soap molds. She said they are made of tin, now. I could hardly believe her and since getting a few 'cans' of cat food for Mackie (so I can use them as soap molds later after he rejects the contents because he doesn't like wet food) was on my shopping list, I found myself standing in front of the cat food at Safeway on Alhambra yesterday, pondering the display.

My last batch of soap had to be poured into a big plastic tub. And when it came time to cut it into bars, for some reason my mind switched off the mainline and into a derelict sidetrack, and I ended up cutting the soap into brownie sized into larger soap bars. And thus we have the 40,000 wee snack sized bars of soap in this picture:

Hey, you couldn't possibly be taking a photo without ME, could you?

Back at the Safeway, I could clearly see that Sheba had indeed changed it's cans. Instead of flat and square, they now resembled little round one-serving pudding cups. I could see that they appeared to be made of tin now, too, rather than plastic.

But just to make sure, I picked up a can and tapped it with my fingernail. Maybe it was still plastic that had been painted metallic to make it look more expensive.

But it was hard to tell. I tapped again. I know how these merchandisers like to mess with us consumers. It could still be plastic.

If the tap and scratch method doesn't work, there is always the tooth test. You can always tell what something is made of if you bite it. People have done that with gold coins since time immemorial. And the only sure fire way to tell a pearl from a plastic bead is to run it across your teeth to feel if it's grainy or not. So why not chomp down on a can of cat food standing in the middle of the aisle at Safeway in front of God and everybody?

It was then that I realized I was sucking on a can of cat food that had probably been touched by at least a dozen other people. Dirty, germy, disease bearing people. Including the grubby mitts of the entire third world, depending on where the stuff was made, canned and packaged. It's not like they sterilize them right before they put them on the shelves or anything.

Think about it! Manufactured in vats and poured into the cans in China where they regularly poison products just because it's amusing. Tossed into bins with rats and human body parts for storage. Transported to the coast in the back of filthy trucks that double as chicken carriers and not cleaned EVER. Loaded into the bowels of Merchant Ships where they mingle with the bilge water for months as they navigate past pirates. Sent to distribution warehouses, trucking centers, the back room of the local grocery store, the store shelf and finally coming to rest upon my lips.

I yanked that can out of my mouth and put it back on the shelf, looking surreptitiously around to see if anybody saw that. And then I fled the premises in embarrassment and disgust.

I am so much prettier than those old cards you make, admit it!

Yes, that's correct. I didn't buy the one I tasted. I was too traumatized and besides, it IS made of tin and therefore cannot be used as a soap mold.

It was when I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, after having washed my mouth out with hand sanitizer, scrubbed my hands and the steering wheel, my keys and my purse handles with an antibacterial wet wipe, that I realized I had just done a bad, bad thing.

I had possibly started the spread of an even deadlier virus than the Swine Flu.

I have single-mouthedly spawned the new pandemic that will wipe out the entire human world.

Beware the Idiot Flu!

Sunflower Blue

2009-05-07T07:45:00.000-07:00

Just a few more glorious days of cool spring weather before the HEAT hits and I wilt like a tired dandelion until the autumn. When I turn into a pumpkin? I don't know!

After 4 years of non-quilting activity due to cataracts, I finally realized just the other day that I could probably see well enough to try my hand at it again! So I dug into the drawer marked 'ufo's' --that's quilter talk for "Un-Finished-Objects" and chose this bright sky blue and sunny yellow quilt top. I don't know what I was thinking when I chose this BRIGHT combo, but it's perfect for me now.

I had forgotten how amazingly peaceful it is to sit for an hour or two and quilt.

Card Trick

2009-05-05T08:09:00.001-07:00

Word to the Wise: Don't download Internet Explorer 8 if you have an older computer: you will never see the internet alive again!!!! Bwaaahaaaaa haaaaa! What with a few computer problems and being so dull and too busy to be anything but dull, I've had no time and no inkling to post. But the other day, when it was rainy, I had time to do a little card trickery!

I had to make some cards for an ailing friend, and I did manage to send her some very nice ones, but these could not be parted with! They are pink! They have roses! They must be hoarded!

Rainy Day in May

2009-05-03T19:26:00.001-07:00

Nothing to do! It's raining! Guess I'll pester my human for a while!

Hey, look at me!

I said, HEY! Look at ME!

Lusty Month of May

2009-05-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

It's May, it's May!
The Lusty Month of May!
The lovely month when everyone goes
Blissfully Astray!

That darling month when ev'ryone throws
Self-control away.
It's time to do
A wretched thing or two,
And try to make each precious day
One you'll always rue!

It's May! It's May! It's May!

Spring has sprung!

2009-04-02T10:48:00.001-07:00

I know I haven't done a post in months! I've been so dull!

But this morning the sun was shining, the air was cool and crisp, everything was green and growing and I just had to have some marigolds.

Do you love marigolds? So many people don't like the smell. To me it is heavenly. I like the great big giant yellow ones and the little lemon drop ones, too. I'm more fond of the yellows than the oranges, but in the autumn I think there is nothing like a pot of orange/brown marigolds sitting next to some pumpkins at some country roadside fruit stand.

However, that's for LATER in the year! Right now it's spring and it's time for lemony yellow and a new puzzle and the sun streaming in the windows.

Happy Spring everybody!

(And to those of you in the Midwest where spring doesn't arrive until June 30th followed by 4 weeks of blistering heat and swampy humidity followed by 3 glorious weeks of autumn abruptly cut off by the onslaught of 10 months of winter, well...just enjoy the photo!)